We all hit moments of crisis in our lives. Those times when things have gone seriously awry and there are two ways out... overcoming, or being overcome. I am very familiar with crisis. I've been through this many times before. Right now I am worried about a loved one who can only get better for a time... or worse... and critical. It is hard to breathe. There are few moments when they are not on your mind. But, as often happens, there is nothing you can do... including, being present... sometimes you are not who they need. So you pray and wait.
I woke up this morning with the word on my mind... outside of our immediate circumstances, I also feel that we are in crisis as a society. I feel like I have been holding my breath waiting for a breakthrough for far too long... longer than that one deep breath would take to expire, leaving me gasping and near death.
I feel like I am living in a constant state of PTSD. I've had more personal crises by the age of 21 than most have in their lifetime. Add the general state of our nation, with the heightened racism, and hard division of all things political, and we have a recipe for the perfect storm. I worry about my kids. I worry about their friends. I worry about my husband, my brothers, my sisters. Being black in America right now feels like having a bullseye fixed on you.
Yet, I feel like I am the only one holding my breath. Maybe I've had far too much training and can see it coming. Maybe I am over reacting... But I am on edge. All.the.time.