To safety pin or not to safety pin. Is this a question?

This is part of my Anger and Loathing Series re the 2016 election.  Feel free to read my other posts.

So women of all hues have opted to start wearing safety pins in a silent protest and show of solidarity.  We, as women of the Pantsuit Nation have chosen to wear this symbol to let people who need to SEE allies see them.  People are seeing the pins and making eye contact, and smiling, because that symbol makes one feel not alone. I think it is a great idea.

Furthermore, the pin for many is a promise that if they see you being stepped on, marginalized, or threatened that the wearer will step in.  I think it is a beautiful thing.

(The safety pin movement offers solidarity post-election)

But then there's the opinion that the safety pins may not be such a good thing.  (I'm just going to add here that a white man wrote the article and has started the question... and directed it toward white women, the article spoke to both protect and shame in my opinion).  I get his point too....  He's asking people, if you are going to wear the pin, what else are you going to do.  Are you just putting on a pin to make yourself feel better, or will you put your money where your mouth is?  Will you step in and take a punch if it is thrown?  Wearing the pin is not enough... in fact, it is embarrassing, is his point. I think.

Ok, so maybe people didn't think out this safety pin thing too well.  A woman got called the C-word on the way to work... for wearing the pin, and a man spit in her face.  Wearing that little pin is no joke... it is hard.  It makes you a target of friends, family members, and the worst (in my personal experiences) it makes you a target of your friends friends who will come straight for you as they feel close enough to speak their mind, but far enough away to not feel any responsibility for your hurt.  Yes, the pin is a dangerous thing.  (...and I am crying while writing this)... there is gravity here... It is serious.

But still people go too far.  A jewelry maker decided to monopolize on the trend... Unless they are donating ALL the proceeds to planned parenthood or civil rights groups or some kind of protection agency, battered women...something ... shame on them.  (Jewelry maker charges $335 for Safety Pin "solidarity" necklace)

And some people will go farther.  Me, a Christian woman, (while many will disagree) am designing a special pin for myself and the women close to me... I only have it partially figured out right now.  It will have a rainbow aspect to it for LGBTQ but I also want a muslim aspect and a jewish aspect and a BLM aspect too... maybe I will need multiple pins, but I want people to know that I see them, and they are safe with me...  Can I protect them, maybe, maybe not, but I am a safe person to talk to, to find solace in, and I am always game for a hug.

Depression in the 2016 election aftermath

I am deeply rooted in an overwhelming sense of depression.

And I wrote that sentence and let is set for a whole 5 minutes.

I am depressed because I now realize that good does not necessarily outweigh bad.  I believe that those who made this decision may have meant good, but they had to willingly choose to ignore the bad to make this decision... And so the bad wins.

And here are how people are acting since the election.

• Black people are being called nigger in the streets... and being told to go back to Africa. 
• Some kids at a school put up signed for colored and white water fountains. 
• Muslims are being attacked even more than before. 
• Hispanic children, Mexican or not, are being taunted with "build a wall, build a wall".

... and worse.

And instead of these same good people standing in and saying, this is not who we are, they are instead deflecting with "well you have no right to boycott" and "you're exaggerating".

And as a black woman in America with black children, I don't like people right now.  And I don't trust people right now, and even though I only got out of my bed a couple hours ago, I want to crawl back into it.

So please excuse my angry journaling.  This is how I get over depression... you don't have to read it.  It is mine.

Fortunately, bubbling underneath, is peace, cuz God... and determination... cuz will.  Imma be good... but I need to be sad and bitter for a minute.

Where my faith stands after the 2016 election

First, you might want to read yesterday's post and then come back to this one. (Anger and loathing and the 2016 election)

Second, let me state that my faith in God has not been shaken by this election.

Finally, My faith in humanity, however, has been.

I became a Catholic around the age 5 when my mom married my Catholic Stepdad. My family left the Catholic church when there was a problem with my long-abandoned grandmother decided to divorce. At a more traditional black church I got my hands on a bible... The King James Version....  I was elated. ... and faithful... except for the college years through the early 20's... typical, right? I stayed faithful for many years, but the message stopped sitting well within my heart.  I found myself struggling with depression and eventually realized that it was worst on Saturday night... I didn't want to go. I felt a struggle between the word spoken every week, and my heart.  The words didn't sit well with Jesus' commandment "That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another." And I had to ask myself, time and time again, did this statement show love?  And time and time again, it did not.  Shaming a woman's clothing, shaming a sexual inclination, punishing a struggle with identity, shaming a reproductive decision, (all of which were none of our business) it was just not cool with me. It hurt my heart.

When it came to Christianity and politics, my faith was damaged long ago.  At a homeschool program, where I was minding my business, selling tickets for a show, a "teacher" approached me and said loudly "Are you going to vote for Obama because you're black".  (This was 2008, I am sure I blogged about this).  She followed with "you can't be Christian if you vote for Obama".   Not long after that, a leader in my church (not the pastor), when I said I did not agree with something said, "you can't have that opinion because people look up to you... if you disagree, so will they".  I wasn't done right then and there, but It did not feel right to set  what I knew what right in my heart and mind against "church obedience".  And maybe I'm just not an obedient person.  There's that.  But I feel like I can love God and Love ALL Gods people and at the same time follow the sensitive mind and heart that God gave me. So over the course of some years, my family gave up the status of being Church-going Christians to being unchurched... Christians.

And then there's Trump. I heard more than once that people were voting for him that it is the Good Christian thing to do.  That a good Christian would vote for Trump.  And good Christians were using slogans like "Trump that Bitch".... and I was like... oh-my-goodness.... this is not love.  This is not Jesus' commandment. This is not Christian.  And to add insult to injury, for Christian leaders to get behind him and support him, broke me in a way that is irreparable.

((((I do not believe that someone's private life should be dictated by the church and that it is better to have an angry racist than someone who will give women the right to their own bodies.... whenever a churched person tries to explain their Trump decision to me, this is what I get from it... that Trump is better than abortion... I say, that person's abortion is not your business... love is.))))

• I cannot participate in a faith based organization that espouses anything but love. Period.
• I cannot abide a political candidate who thrives on hate and division.
• I cannot live under a tyrant.
• And I will not be quiet in the face of hate.

So, you might want to say I am not A good Christian, and I probably am not, not by your definitions, but my faith is in God and my "rules" are in Jesus' last commandment.  If I can do that, I can die with a good heart.  In the meantime, I will live, and reject hate.

The results of this election are the results of HATE. I will fight this, in the name of Love and in the name of God. ... I don't know what I mean by that... but I will fight back.

ps.  Don't ask me to pray for that man.  I will instead pray for the innocent black and brown and gay people and the women who are being physically attacked since this snake reared his ugly head.

Anger and Loathing and the 2016 election

Yesterday I woke up at 4:30 and went to the polls to work to make sure that all my fellow citizens (that I could affect) got a change to exercise their vote. I returned home around 10pm.  I was tired, and after glancing over the results tapes from my 11 voting machines... I was discouraged.  I didn't want Trump to Win...

As of this moment, it seems as though he has.

Inspite of

Sexism,
An active Child Rape case,
Consumer Fraud,
Bankruptcies,
and other scandals...

And I am angry.  I am angry that I processed hundreds of voters yesterday and while some of them were just a-holes toward me, most of them smiled in my face, called me sweet-heart and voted against my best interest. I know that's reaching to expect any empathy, but it does get under my skin.  What I am really angry about though is that I know that countless people, many on my "Facebook friends list" and those who have "befriended" me in real life, voted against my best interest.  I am most upset because the candidate, who would at least preserve my best interest ... for at least 4 years lost... and I don't just feel uncomfortable... (I was uncomfortable with Bush 43, and then voted for him for his second term).... no, I am distraught.

And just in case I haven't spelled it out yet, here is how I feel.

I am a:

Black (The exhausting task of being black in America)

Christian Woman (Here's why these Christian Women Don't want to Live IN Donald Trump's America)

From a family from the South (Growing up Jim Crow)

Who were depressed and depressive. (Racism Breeds Depression and Other Problems)

Due to Institutional racism and Jim Crow Laws.  (Institutional Racism is our Way of Life)

And living in a world where black children are programmed to go straight to prison (Dismantling the School to Prison Pipeline)

I have friends, loved ones, and relatives who are LGBT (and/or) Q.  (Christian Parents of LGBTQ Children: The Church has been Wrong)

I am the wife of a black business executive. (Black in Corporate America & So Very Tired)

My birth father is an Immigrant, My beloved Dad (stepdad) is the son of an Immigrant, my husband, the father of my children is an immigrant.  (Trump is against legal immigration too)

I am the proud mother of a young black man (Fact Sheet: Outcomes for Young, Black Men)

And a young black women.  (Black, Poor, and Woman in Higher Education: What I Learned from Graduate School)

This is sum of who I am.

This is my legacy... and in a Trump Presidency, I feel like any ground we have made up under President Obama will be lost... socially, at the very least.  And that makes me sad, and angry, and ... stabby.

... and if you cannot relate in a tangible way to any of these issues, you ARE truly privileged, and you probably have no problems with a Trump Presidency.

Don't think I don't understand why you have voted for Trump or for 3rd party. I get it. Hillary was flawed, and like it or not, was attached to her husbands flawed legacy.  There is no way a mere woman who stood for the rights of other marginalized groups could win against a white man... any white man, ever, period.

I think white women have just learned something that all black people taught their children when I was growing up.  It made us kids so angry and we actually rejected this teaching until it was too late. It is this... Black people have to work twice as hard to get half as much.  (Black workers really do need to be twice as good.)  White women, are in the same boat. We all know that President Obama won because he was beyond reproach.  His Leadership and Character Traits were not mouth service.  He was the real thing. To have any candidate for president we need people who are pretty much sainted.  Because if this Moron of an orange human (yes, I said that) can win over experience and diplomacy, we have to admit that the deck is stacked and a penis and skin color and money trumps experience, and positivity, any day, every day.

This is my world... I understand it, but I don't have to like it, and I sure as hell don't need to pray for this presidency.  It is not a sin to pray against something... Christians have been praying against abortion for ages... so....  I am praying for protection of the under represented and the underdogs... so deal with it. Because here is the thing.  I abhor this guy.  He has fueled racism in an ugly, terrible way.  Tell yourself whatever you must.  Blame it on Obama if you will... but this man is a very, very bad man, with very bad ideas. The people from his deplorable contingent is calling him a "God" and a "King".  He is dangerous and I will not get behind him.  I will not.

So please forgive my anger and loathing this morning. But my daughter called me last night with trembling in her voice... so much that I thought she'd been in a car accident.  MY son is in disbelief right now... so maybe your non-ethnic status quo is protected for four more years, but mine is in danger.  Enjoy this. Good luck with that.

But there's always some lemonade to be made from these freaking bitter lemons.
My daughter told me last night that she is now a political activist.  We can't fight this stacked deck by just voting. We need to get out and participate.  We must act.  I am now a political activist too.  I just need a moment to find out where exactly I stand and how I will proceed.

Oh, and to anyone who thinks a Trump Presidency will bring some kind of white utopia and he will give back in any way???  You've been scammed.  Trump is all about himself and no one else.