Children are happily deposited at college

The kids are at their respective colleges and I am in the process of reclaiming and reorganizing our home.  As this is the youngest one's 2nd year at college, I feel comfortable infringing into their space a little, where necessary, and working to make the house work best for my husband and myself.

For example, my son pretty much has the entire basement to himself, and I will be reclaiming the exercise room as a storage room to get rid of clutter all over the house.  I am also thinking of claiming an area for sewing, and of course what exercise equipment I don't give away, will go in the large space outside his bedroom. I will also be putting some of my daughters items in said storage room to make her room more presentable and buying a bigger bed for her room for the occasional guest when she is not here.  (Not really planning any guests... ever, but it is nice to know I have an extra clean bedroom if the need arises.)

In the meanwhile, I posted about the set up of the kids dorm rooms on my website. You can find them here. and here.


I will be posting soon about the re-organized areas of our home.

Steals, deals, and splurges and packing insanity for my college kids

Barely two more weeks with the kiddos, then back to college.

By this time two weeks from now I will be driving home from dropping off child number 2 to college.  I thought it would be easier to have 2 kids in the same city for drop off and pick up purposes, but it really isn't working out that way.  He goes back on Friday, and she on Sunday, and we have to do two round trip drives due to volume of items, lack of rental truck availability and schedules that don't mesh.  Oh well.  That's how it goes.

All my back to school shopping is done.  I really should have given them money and let them buy their own notebooks, and textbooks, and clothing, but they are still rank amateurs when it comes to finding bargains.  They try, bless their hearts, but they don't have the patience or fortitude to to stretch a dime in the way I do.  They also don't know when it is better to just pay full price for item, and

Looking back: My kids' perspective

I posed the following question to each of my kids:

Now that you are done homeschooling what do you think of it?

My son, age 20 said, "I love that I was homeschooled, but if I knew then what I know now, I may have requested private school for high school".  He felt that he would have had an easier transition time into college if he was forced to have a more stringent time in high school, both socially and academically.  He added however, "at the time, you couldn't have gotten me to go to any formal school though, so I don't know how that would have worked".  I will add here that elementary school was traumatic and he still hadn't gotten over it by the time he started 9th grade.

My daughter, age 18 said, "I am glad that I was homeschooled, but it is not for everyone.  I believe it was best for me though and what I needed".  She added, "I feel like every homeschooler should have some kind of community though, like a high school program (co-op, hybrid program, arts program) that they stick with the entire time so they have pretty much the same friend group year in and year out.  Otherwise the only friends I would have had would have been my mother, my mother, my mother, my brother, and my mother."  She has a lot of homeschooling friends and feels the ones that are happier were a part of a bigger group.  I will add that she is the child that the schools wanted on Ritalin and we instead chose to homeschool her. She had never had ADHD medication, and has been allowed to mature into and cope with her hyperactivity (she was never had the other symptoms) rather than be drugged out of it.

From my point of view, I would have made a few tweaks here and there knowing now what I know then, but at the end of the day, I am proud and glad we homeschooled, and wouldn't trade the relationship with my kids for anything!

Updates and Shenanigans

Not to toot my own horn, but at this very moment, my daughter who will be 18 in less than a week thinks my husband and I are the best parents ever.  Apparently, after speaking to all of her college friends, homeschooled or not, she wouldn't trade her parents for anyone else's.  That makes me kind of giddy.  She likes to tell people that she had two rules growing up... 1. Don't Lie, and 2. Don't be stupid.  I guess she's right... I didn't write it down or anything, but those were two things I could not tolerate, and all other rules fall under those two.  I never had to tell them to be nice, because they just were... so I guess I could also say that I have the best kids ever. 

My daughter and I decided to do a 10 day semi-fast.  Fruits and veggies all day and then a reasonable dinner.  That lasted 2 days.  Hubby made the mistake of calling us chickens when we started whining.  We were in the car later cursing him out pretty much for no reason... he wasn't even there, we were just taking out our hungry frustration on him in his absence... we then decided it wasn't worth it.

I am costuming for a very interesting play right now.  Next week is the designers run through, so we can make sure the costumes and choreography will work together, and then address any problems and altering, and make changes as needed based on what we see during the show.  What was I thinking?  The actual play is in about 2 weeks.  

During our homeschooling years, I managed to work from home and make a decent income.  I mainly wrote for 4 sites.  Only two of those websites are still active, as content writing bit the bullet a couple years ago as people search for videos more than written article these days. This week, the main site, announced it is closing and is turning over the rights to all of our articles back over to the writers.  This is very generous, because we wrote based on the fact that some of our income would be in upfront payments, and the rest would be in monthly commission checks.  I was making 300 a month easy before I even got out of bed, and around the holidays I could make as much as $1000 because I wrote a lot of seasonal stuff.  In the last year, I have only received $100 a month in commissions and have pretty much stopped writing for them.  On the downside, I need to download, categorize, and find a new home for 1800 articles (I'll probably discard about 300) before I lose access to my articles at the end of august.  I've done 50 since I found out yesterday.

I'm supposed to be getting my real-estate license. After taking the online course plus 2 day crash course, I don't feel prepared to take the final exam or Real Estate License test.  I'm going to have to pay to extend my class for 6 months, and learn the info on my own.  The online class was pretty useless, and the 2 day crash course was kind of a joke.  I have a new empathy for the online classes I had my kids take.  In person classes, or just reading books and taking tests is actually better. 

A tribute to Maya Angelou

When she spoke I listened
As if she were speaking directly to me.
She chose her words carefully
And set and example for all to see.
She told us why the caged bird sings
She lost her voice through childhood trauma
But found it again through poetry
Then she rose above poverty with dance and drama
She was as comfortable with a pen as she was on the stage
Acting with James Earl Jones, Gossett, and Cicely Tyson
Wrote for and worked with Malcolm X and King
She lived and loved in Paris, Cairo, and Ghana

And she was just getting started

At the height of her career she produced movies
She wrote scores and songs for Roberta Flack
She won Tony Awards
She won honorary degrees, and then she gave back.
By the time I came on the scene at the age of 13
she had accomplished all of these things
And I as a child looked at her life and her works
And breathed a sigh of relief as her words gave me wings
I saw so many similarities in my past and hers
Downtrodden, beaten, marginalized
I began to see the world through a new set of eyes
Her books gave me solace,
Her words gave me strength
I could see a future for myself beyond arms length.
And she continued to write,
And she continued to speak
She continued to sing
She continued to preach.

And I continued to learn.

She said, "If you only have one smile in you,
Give to the people you love"

"Nothing will work unless you do"

"Nothing can dim the light which shines from within"

"The truth is, no one of us can be free until everybody is free"

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.  Don't complain"

"My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept love in return.

She was a woman phenomenally..  and she will be missed.

I'm going gray... and I'm OK with it

What floors me is that two people this weekend have outright told me that it was time to dye my hair. One who is supposed to love me unconditionally, and the other is his mother. My brother also pointed out that I am going gray... he seemed surprised.  I guess it is coming on fast.

I think the reason I am going gray so quickly, is that I recently had quite a bit of hair fall out due to stress, and probably medication, and now it is growing back, but it is no longer dark brown... It is white.  It is around the circumference of my head, and in the center, where I lost the most hair...  and the grays are not confined to my head.

So what's the big deal.  I will be 46 years old in less than 2 months.  With the average onset of graying in black persons being age 44, I'd say I was pretty much on schedule.  ... and I kind of like it. I am appalled that I have been asked to dye my hair... it makes me really really mad.  Am I out of line for thinking that request to be rude, unthinkable, and uncalled for?  Am I out of line for inferring folks can kiss my butt?   Especially when those people are grayer than I?

Besides, I do other things to beat back age a little.  I pluck my chin at least once a week, I exercise 3 or more times a week, I use face cream, and lotion my body dutifully.  Gray hair to me is a symbol of wisdom, that I made it this far... that I am perhaps a little wiser than the average bear.  Is it not?

But the idea of dyeing just might win me over, but not in the way people think.  I will never cover the grays on my head to hide the fact that I'm not a kid anymore, but I may strategically dye my hair to emphasize a nice gray streak coming in on my left temple.  That could be fun.

I've been hovering.

I talked about how homeschooling is all done and I'm ready to move forward, but am I really, really, ready to move forward?  I honestly and truly want to help them navigate their way through college.

When I was in college, I wasn't exactly first generation in my family, but I was the first person to not go to the college down the road. I was the first person to strike out on my own, and the first person to live with roommates, and the first person to not get financial aid, and so I had to also work my way through college.

I amassed a lot of information during that time, and I made a lot of mistakes and miss steps.  I would love to be able to help my kids with this and to help them ask the right questions, so they can navigate better, and even then ask the right questions for their own kids in the future.

Hovering looks different where my two kids are concerned.

Let's start with the oldest.  He's all business.  He's serious.  He's hard

Things that make me really mad...

People who don't give themselves enough time to get where they are going, so they speed and harass people like me who drive speed limit.

Guys who sag their pants... especially to the degree where their entire behinds are above their belt line.  I'm not talking about 2, 3, 4, or even 6 inches below the natural waist.  I'm talking 12-18 inches.  STOP IT.

People who exxagerate the truth for political or social gain.  People who believe these exaggerations.

People who re-victimize victims.

It's been quite a week.  Taking my darling girl on vacation to see some NY shows.  Will miss hubby, but fun's got to be had.

Leading a dead horse

For the past few months, I've been trapped somewhere in between leading a horse to water and beating a dead horse.  However, the horse has been neither thirsty, or willing to try something new. I often tell my kids that the meaning of insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results.  It is of course, not a true definition, but a symptom of insanity in which I have chosen to no longer participate.

It makes me sad that a young, extended family member, with so much promise is dooming himself to not be his best, and to not do his best, but I have to take the onus off of myself, and place it where  it belongs.  Once you have offered opportunity, and resources, and nothing has changed... for months, and months on end, you just have to move on...

And so I am back to working on me, and I am good with that.

Almost done with the real estate course... And need to double up my gym time too, but I was giving that time to someone who did not appreciate it it.

Moving on.

There is a homeschool correlation to this real life story.   I have seen many parents decide they were going to homeschool to fix problems their kids were having in school, such as a bad attitude, or lack of effort. Unfortunately, changing the setting, it not going to make a big change if you don't change the heart... shore up the foundation.  These are often the kids that wind up back in school having made no progress, allowing schools systems and teachers to announce, that homeschooling is a dismal failure.

If your kid is acting up in school, don't expect homeschooling to change that, unless you are going to change the root problem, and maybe even yourself.  In this case, it was just too late, and someone who was already "grown", and who I had no real authority over, wasn't willing to accept what I had to offer.

The lone homeschooler at the party

I really want to delete the last series of blogs I wrote.  Those of the types of things I don't want to deal with. I don't want to think it, and I certainly don't want to write it.  Let's see how long it stays live.  I read a comment yesterday where it was stated that when dealing with touchy subject like this, one person chooses to always opt out, saying "I'm not having THIS conversation".  It seems so wise.

But since I am discussing all of the hard stuff right now, I might as well discuss my the difficult phenomenon of being the lone homeschooler at the party.

I feel like a party game.

I don't know a better way to explain it.  I show up at a party.  There are niceties and introductions, and then the question is asked.... "where do (did) your kids go to school"?  I answer "they are (were)

On Being Black and Homeschooling, Part 5

This is my final word on being black and homeschooling.  For the foreseeable future.

You can catch up here:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

I just don't feel like I ever got to the meat of what I wanted to say.

In all my personal struggles through the loneliness and relative isolation I felt, I have to say that I am ecstatic with the results.

Sure bad things happened:

• Tensions around the 2008 and 2012 elections as I live in a mostly white Southern Conservative Community, and am none of these things. 
• A few individuals making my race an issue in what they felt were personal conversations... "you know, just chatting over differences, iron sharpening iron". 
• Not always feeling included socially, and sometimes feeling like my kids were barely included.
• People saying dumb stuff to me that barely hid certain biases.

Meanwhile, good things happened:

On Being Black and Homeschooling Part 4

Everything about being black and homeschooling was hard.

From my early assessment on Being Black and Homeschooling, to my thoughts on looking back Here and Here, I can see now that I have been on a journey, that took a heads down and power though approach.

Don't get me wrong.  I liked homeschooling.  I really did. I don't regret it at all, and I know it was the best thing for my kids, but the journey felt lonely... it really did.  In the beginning, the only person I felt that really supported me family-wise was my husband... after all, it was originally his idea.  As for family and friends... I was told to spank my kids, and send them back to school. Others just called me crazy. And some said I was "a mess" for homeschooling... whatever that is supposed to mean.

Very fortunately, I had some support of a couple of fellow church members who homeschooled, and they gave me guidance for a while, but that did not last long.  First, I did not feel that I fit into the homeschool groups they brought me to, especially in the early days, and secondly, our

On Being Black and Homeschooling Part 3

Before you read this, I would like you to go back and read parts 1 and 2 of this series.  Part I, On Being Black and Homeschooling written in 2005, and Part 2 Being written directly before this piece.

Now continues part 3:


Over time, the conversations surrounding the 2008 election faded, and I came back to center, leaving behind the edge I felt for being singled out as a misfit black Democrat trying to homeschool my kids among people who were neither of these things.  I never fully felt completely in sync with my previous group of homeschoolers again, but felt comfortable enough to be me, and allow my kids to

On Being Black and Homeschooling Part 2

After 8 years and 3 months, I think it is finally time to revisit one of my most popular blog posts On Being Black and Homeschooling.  Looking back, I can see that I was a bit naive in some of my points such as I did not see the point or need to join a black homeschooling group, and at the same time I may have been too sensitive to whether or not my children and I were welcome in a homeschool community where WE WERE THE DIVERSITY.

But a funny thing happens when you turn 40... as I did 5 years ago... or at least in my case... you stop caring what people think of you.  You stop asking permission to move forward or to be included. You just do you... and so I did. This made the last 5 years of my homeschooling journey a little easier, as I just focussed on what was best for my kids, and did not let race or attitudes affect any of it.

It wasn't easy though.

As much as I wanted to just be a homeschooler first, and leave all ethnicity out of it, I was hit with a

So how are they doing?

Or rather, how successful was your homeschooling based on their college performance?

A parents worth as homeschooling parents one could reason, could be determined by a student's success in further education... i.e. college.

It almost feels like confession when I reply that the boy is hanging in there.  Now that I can add that the girl is kicking butt and taking names, the whole homeschooling experience seems more validated.

But that's pretty unfair, isn't it.

Fortunately for me, I have two kids.  If I only had the son, I might very well be self conscious  about not producing a super student as a result of my homeschooling...  God forbid a homeschooler be an average college student.  If I only had the girl, perhaps, I would be accepted as an homeschooling authority because my under-aged homeschooling daughter was doing an excellent job?

Now that I have taken time to balance all my thoughts on the two kids and their experiences, it is clear to me that the results are a product more of the kids personalities, their natural strengths and weaknesses, and  their learning styles.

I gather now that son is almost done with general-eds and can get to the meat of his program, that we will see him gain traction....  I also suspect that as long as the girl continues to focus, that she will continue to do very well.

As for my job as a homeschooler, I have to relax in the knowledge that I gave my son a stress free experience as school was becoming a nightmare for him.  The fact that he is even in college at all is a huge success... it is now up to him to continue to carve out a success he defines for himself.  As for the girl, I really can't take credit for the free spirit she was born with. Who  would have known that her ability to not take herself too seriously... or anything else as a matter of fact, would parlay in an ability to navigate higher education with such ease?

So I'm going to stop judging our homeschooling based on semester by semester progress in college.  I am going to judge it once and for all as done and complete as I have a son who is well mannered with a strong moral compass, and a girl who is bold, fearless, and caring.

What more can a mother ask for?

Strange and sudden movement

The kids are packed back off to college for another semester...  My nest isn't exactly empty, but the people who live with me are only here part time to go to school, and are self sufficient... and I got really, really bored... and started noticing all the stuff that needed fixing around the house...

So I decided that it is time for me to work.

Not like I had been doing, writing articles and such, but if that still paid well, I gather I would still be doing it...  (Thanks google... it's been years since I've turned a profit doing the blogging/ web writing gig).

So anyway, I have signed up for a real-estate class and expect to be licensed by spring.

Wish me luck.

I will continue to write about homeschooling and education, whenever the inspiration hits, and am working on finishing my e-books before I get too busy...

Happy New Year!

The new year has arrived rather quietly for me.

All the activity in my house has died down as my extended family that stayed with me since summer got their own place just before Christmas.  I am happy, and I hope they are too.

The kids are home, but not too active... they are still recovering from all of the activity of last semester.  They are trudging along through college, the younger one a bit more effortlessly than the older, which tells me that as I relaxed into homeschooling, the kids benefitted more. I.E. I was less stringent with the 2nd child than the first, and she used that extra freedom to her advantage...

or.. it could just have nothing at all to do with me.... it could just be a product of their personalities or gender... who knows.

As we head into another semester for my kids, I pray the younger one won't get too confident so that she slacks off, and the older will relax into the process of higher education, so that he might enjoy it, and intern find the value in higher education, that far too many black men don't get to experience.

Me... I'm declaring that I am going to work on my body again...  but as I have already been doing this for at least  months, I know I am truly serious about it.

I am going to continue working on myself so I can find my niche, motivation, and direction or the coming years.  I still want to stay connected to education and homeschooling, but it becomes more and more apparent that this is an avocation, not a vocation. There is no money in it.

Adjusting to having college kids

It is tech week.  That means my daughter is in a play, and she has been in dress rehearsals all week, followed by numerous showings from Thursday through Saturday.  Normally during tech week, I fill up my car with gas, and prepare myself to fill it for a second time.  That is followed by buying tons of fast food as she will be "living" at the theatre that week, and also helping out with the productions costumes.  In the past, this also meant that my son was living in the tech room of the theatre, and so they were involved in the same activity.

This tech week it is something else entirely, as it has nothing to do with me.  Yes, she is living at the theatre, but I am not driving her anywhere.  I am not buying fast food. I am not working on costumes... at the single most crushing aspect that I am having a hard time to swallow- I am only going to see the show once!  Normally, even if there are 5 or 6 shows in 3 days, I see every single show and make it a point to  sit at a different spot in the audience each time so I can soak up every detail.

But not this time.  Instead, I am sending supporting texts, hoping that she will read them before each show.  I am crossing my fingers and toes for "good luck", and I am waiting until Saturday when I can use my comp tickets (for parents), to see her on stage.  Hopefully, I will also get a chance to stop by my son's college to give him a hug before going to my daughter's show.  And... not only is my son not working on the show, but he "doesn't have time" to see it either.

So enjoy the homeschooling years while you can.  They do eventually grow up.

In the meanwhile, I am officially, "homeschooling" my nephew for the next 6 months as he is studying for the GED, but also wants a portfolio to help him get into college.  I think the positive peer pressure of seeing his little cousin (my daughter) enter college is making him want the same thing.

worth the trip

What is normally a four hour road trip to pick up my two kids from college and return home took 8 hours yesterday.  I've been home for well over 24 hours and I am still tired.  I don't relish the idea of returning them back to their dorms on Sunday.  

But while they are home, I get to hug them, kiss them, style the girl's hair, and just enjoy their company, so it was definately worth the trip. 

Your character will be judged by how you respond to disappointment

Sometimes things won't go your way.  How will you respond? What will your reaction say about your character?

My daughter spent 6 years in a homeschool drama program.  For the program to be successful, parents needed to be on board and needed to each have a role in keeping it successful.  Some years I was the parent organizer.  Some years I was in charge of costumes.  I did the job I agreed upon regardless of the role my child received in the play, even though there were plenty of times I was less than enthused about it.  Meanwhile, from time to time, there was a parent who backed out of their responsibility usually because they did not like the role their kid received in the play.  I had little respect for such behavior.

I think my daughter was in about 11 plays over the years.  In only 3 of those plays did she get a role that she sought and that we as parents thought she deserved.  There may have been one other show where she got a role that was at least interesting.  Still she took the punches like a champ.  She never once complained and always embraced her role.  As her parent, I did my best to keep my grumbling at home, and even out of her earshot.  After the initial dismay and disappointment, I also embraced my role and and did my job.

Sure I could have balked and screamed and walked away, but that would not have been good for the club as a whole.  If every disappointed parent and/or child walked away, the club would have very likely ended and we would have had to search elsewhere for drama club.  Instead, everyone accepted the roles given for the most part, sucked it up, and embraced the show.  Sure, some had less enthusiasm than others, but we did it, and the club continues to flourish.

There are things going on in government right now, that as far as I am concerned directly mirrors such a situation.  But instead of people accepting that the die has been cast and embracing it, they are holding their breath, stomping, and shutting down the club.

They are showing poor character, and yes, I am judging them.