Can I get some mustard with that sandwich?

I am realizing that my decisions not only impact my kids, but also my in-laws and my parents.  We can no longer make plans for ourselves and and our kids and go on along about our business... there are people who raised us who are not as independent as we would like.  That is a tough pill to swallow.

So if the fact that we still have 18&20 year olds who are in college and not completely out of the nest is keeping us tied to home, and not allowing us to live full time in NYC, we are even more beholden to come home for hubby's parents... to check on them, spend time with them, and make sure they are OK.  

The good part of this is that living part time in NYC will allow me to do the same for my dad.  

Ideally, I'd like to have the inlaws live with us here, and dad live with us there, but first, hubby and I could use some privacy.  Second, both sets are wayyy too independent for that to work... and so lies the dilemma. 

We have a lot to think about.  I have no answers and no anecdotes! 

Why am I still homeschool blogging?

My youngest is a college sophomore.  I am really, truly, done homeschooling, so why I am still homeschool blogging.  Well, it is not for the reason some former homeschoolers are still doing it.  I have noticed some veteran homeschoolers still blogging about all things political, things that they think could impede on homeschooling in the future.  I also see veteran homeschoolers blog about all things conservative.  Neither of these are my concern.  I am still homeschool blogging to let people know that there is someone out there they can relate to who did it and so they can too.

No.  I don't think I can relate to every single new homeschooler out there.  The types of bloggers mentioned above will surely appeal to a great deal of them.  But for me, there was on, single, solitary writer, who captured my heart and gave me the confidence it took carry on and get it done. Had I not read her book.  Had I not gone to a conference where she was speaking, I may very well thrown in the towel.  ... and there are other people ... odd balls like me, who need to see people like themselves doing it to know it is going to be OK.

And with that said, I know I am failing my public.  At one time, vlogging, video blogs, were a huge part of my communication with new homeschoolers.  I kind of let that go because... of online racism.... disagree with me, but don't call me a "black-monkey", know what I mean?  So I stopped putting my face online... but by backing off, those idiots kinda won, didn't they, so I will try harder to keep video blogging, thanks to the many new homeschoolers who have contacted me asking for more, and I will keep homeschool blogging too... because I did it, and so can you.

I don't GET designer purses, and I don't GET boxed curriculum either

In shifting my mindset for living (even if only part time) in NYC, I have inventoried my belongings and am considering what I am bringing with me and what I am leaving here.  I looked at my purses, and then I threw some away... maybe I should just get a money clip and skip the purses, I thought, but perhaps, just for special occasions, maybe my old Coach purses will do.

Burberry bags $500-$3000 +

So I took them out, and polished them, and ordered new hang tags, and wrapped them lovingly.  But then I asked, what is the big deal with designer purses? Sure hubby purchased them for me as a gift because women he worked with insisted his wife should have these purses... and I used them for a couple of years, and then put them in the closet, because they cost too much to throw away even though I was tired of them, and because they were still in excellent condition.

I started researching designer purses, and if my old Coach bags still even qualify as such.  I found that they are lower cost designer, and vintage at that (since I've had them over 10 years), so ... cool.  But while these purses probably cost a couple hundred dollars each, other purses that classify as designer start at 400 and go up to thousands of dollars.

Crazy changes. I can barely believe it myself.

So.  Hubby got a job promotion which requires him being in NYC most of the time.  Wow.

At first, the thought seemed just CRAZY.... but now I am quite excited.  It's not like I am selling my house and actually moving or anything, we will be able to get a small place in Manhattan or Queens and still be OK.

I'm in such an excited tizzy, that I can't express it on the page!

So with that said, I need to get my home organizing project finished cuz I need to start apartment shopping, and deciding what 1/4 of my furniture and items I am going to ship off to NY, and what I will just buy.  This is not exactly what I had in mind when I said we would be downsizing, but I'm gonna be reading a couple of books on the idea... maybe that will help me in time get rid of some things in the house when we eventually do get rid of it for a retirement home.

Children are happily deposited at college

The kids are at their respective colleges and I am in the process of reclaiming and reorganizing our home.  As this is the youngest one's 2nd year at college, I feel comfortable infringing into their space a little, where necessary, and working to make the house work best for my husband and myself.

For example, my son pretty much has the entire basement to himself, and I will be reclaiming the exercise room as a storage room to get rid of clutter all over the house.  I am also thinking of claiming an area for sewing, and of course what exercise equipment I don't give away, will go in the large space outside his bedroom. I will also be putting some of my daughters items in said storage room to make her room more presentable and buying a bigger bed for her room for the occasional guest when she is not here.  (Not really planning any guests... ever, but it is nice to know I have an extra clean bedroom if the need arises.)

In the meanwhile, I posted about the set up of the kids dorm rooms on my website. You can find them here. and here.


I will be posting soon about the re-organized areas of our home.

Steals, deals, and splurges and packing insanity for my college kids

Barely two more weeks with the kiddos, then back to college.

By this time two weeks from now I will be driving home from dropping off child number 2 to college.  I thought it would be easier to have 2 kids in the same city for drop off and pick up purposes, but it really isn't working out that way.  He goes back on Friday, and she on Sunday, and we have to do two round trip drives due to volume of items, lack of rental truck availability and schedules that don't mesh.  Oh well.  That's how it goes.

All my back to school shopping is done.  I really should have given them money and let them buy their own notebooks, and textbooks, and clothing, but they are still rank amateurs when it comes to finding bargains.  They try, bless their hearts, but they don't have the patience or fortitude to to stretch a dime in the way I do.  They also don't know when it is better to just pay full price for item, and

Looking back: My kids' perspective

I posed the following question to each of my kids:

Now that you are done homeschooling what do you think of it?

My son, age 20 said, "I love that I was homeschooled, but if I knew then what I know now, I may have requested private school for high school".  He felt that he would have had an easier transition time into college if he was forced to have a more stringent time in high school, both socially and academically.  He added however, "at the time, you couldn't have gotten me to go to any formal school though, so I don't know how that would have worked".  I will add here that elementary school was traumatic and he still hadn't gotten over it by the time he started 9th grade.

My daughter, age 18 said, "I am glad that I was homeschooled, but it is not for everyone.  I believe it was best for me though and what I needed".  She added, "I feel like every homeschooler should have some kind of community though, like a high school program (co-op, hybrid program, arts program) that they stick with the entire time so they have pretty much the same friend group year in and year out.  Otherwise the only friends I would have had would have been my mother, my mother, my mother, my brother, and my mother."  She has a lot of homeschooling friends and feels the ones that are happier were a part of a bigger group.  I will add that she is the child that the schools wanted on Ritalin and we instead chose to homeschool her. She had never had ADHD medication, and has been allowed to mature into and cope with her hyperactivity (she was never had the other symptoms) rather than be drugged out of it.

From my point of view, I would have made a few tweaks here and there knowing now what I know then, but at the end of the day, I am proud and glad we homeschooled, and wouldn't trade the relationship with my kids for anything!

Updates and Shenanigans

Not to toot my own horn, but at this very moment, my daughter who will be 18 in less than a week thinks my husband and I are the best parents ever.  Apparently, after speaking to all of her college friends, homeschooled or not, she wouldn't trade her parents for anyone else's.  That makes me kind of giddy.  She likes to tell people that she had two rules growing up... 1. Don't Lie, and 2. Don't be stupid.  I guess she's right... I didn't write it down or anything, but those were two things I could not tolerate, and all other rules fall under those two.  I never had to tell them to be nice, because they just were... so I guess I could also say that I have the best kids ever. 

My daughter and I decided to do a 10 day semi-fast.  Fruits and veggies all day and then a reasonable dinner.  That lasted 2 days.  Hubby made the mistake of calling us chickens when we started whining.  We were in the car later cursing him out pretty much for no reason... he wasn't even there, we were just taking out our hungry frustration on him in his absence... we then decided it wasn't worth it.

I am costuming for a very interesting play right now.  Next week is the designers run through, so we can make sure the costumes and choreography will work together, and then address any problems and altering, and make changes as needed based on what we see during the show.  What was I thinking?  The actual play is in about 2 weeks.  

During our homeschooling years, I managed to work from home and make a decent income.  I mainly wrote for 4 sites.  Only two of those websites are still active, as content writing bit the bullet a couple years ago as people search for videos more than written article these days. This week, the main site, announced it is closing and is turning over the rights to all of our articles back over to the writers.  This is very generous, because we wrote based on the fact that some of our income would be in upfront payments, and the rest would be in monthly commission checks.  I was making 300 a month easy before I even got out of bed, and around the holidays I could make as much as $1000 because I wrote a lot of seasonal stuff.  In the last year, I have only received $100 a month in commissions and have pretty much stopped writing for them.  On the downside, I need to download, categorize, and find a new home for 1800 articles (I'll probably discard about 300) before I lose access to my articles at the end of august.  I've done 50 since I found out yesterday.

I'm supposed to be getting my real-estate license. After taking the online course plus 2 day crash course, I don't feel prepared to take the final exam or Real Estate License test.  I'm going to have to pay to extend my class for 6 months, and learn the info on my own.  The online class was pretty useless, and the 2 day crash course was kind of a joke.  I have a new empathy for the online classes I had my kids take.  In person classes, or just reading books and taking tests is actually better. 

A tribute to Maya Angelou

When she spoke I listened
As if she were speaking directly to me.
She chose her words carefully
And set and example for all to see.
She told us why the caged bird sings
She lost her voice through childhood trauma
But found it again through poetry
Then she rose above poverty with dance and drama
She was as comfortable with a pen as she was on the stage
Acting with James Earl Jones, Gossett, and Cicely Tyson
Wrote for and worked with Malcolm X and King
She lived and loved in Paris, Cairo, and Ghana

And she was just getting started

At the height of her career she produced movies
She wrote scores and songs for Roberta Flack
She won Tony Awards
She won honorary degrees, and then she gave back.
By the time I came on the scene at the age of 13
she had accomplished all of these things
And I as a child looked at her life and her works
And breathed a sigh of relief as her words gave me wings
I saw so many similarities in my past and hers
Downtrodden, beaten, marginalized
I began to see the world through a new set of eyes
Her books gave me solace,
Her words gave me strength
I could see a future for myself beyond arms length.
And she continued to write,
And she continued to speak
She continued to sing
She continued to preach.

And I continued to learn.

She said, "If you only have one smile in you,
Give to the people you love"

"Nothing will work unless you do"

"Nothing can dim the light which shines from within"

"The truth is, no one of us can be free until everybody is free"

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.  Don't complain"

"My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept love in return.

She was a woman phenomenally..  and she will be missed.

I'm going gray... and I'm OK with it

What floors me is that two people this weekend have outright told me that it was time to dye my hair. One who is supposed to love me unconditionally, and the other is his mother. My brother also pointed out that I am going gray... he seemed surprised.  I guess it is coming on fast.

I think the reason I am going gray so quickly, is that I recently had quite a bit of hair fall out due to stress, and probably medication, and now it is growing back, but it is no longer dark brown... It is white.  It is around the circumference of my head, and in the center, where I lost the most hair...  and the grays are not confined to my head.

So what's the big deal.  I will be 46 years old in less than 2 months.  With the average onset of graying in black persons being age 44, I'd say I was pretty much on schedule.  ... and I kind of like it. I am appalled that I have been asked to dye my hair... it makes me really really mad.  Am I out of line for thinking that request to be rude, unthinkable, and uncalled for?  Am I out of line for inferring folks can kiss my butt?   Especially when those people are grayer than I?

Besides, I do other things to beat back age a little.  I pluck my chin at least once a week, I exercise 3 or more times a week, I use face cream, and lotion my body dutifully.  Gray hair to me is a symbol of wisdom, that I made it this far... that I am perhaps a little wiser than the average bear.  Is it not?

But the idea of dyeing just might win me over, but not in the way people think.  I will never cover the grays on my head to hide the fact that I'm not a kid anymore, but I may strategically dye my hair to emphasize a nice gray streak coming in on my left temple.  That could be fun.

I've been hovering.

I talked about how homeschooling is all done and I'm ready to move forward, but am I really, really, ready to move forward?  I honestly and truly want to help them navigate their way through college.

When I was in college, I wasn't exactly first generation in my family, but I was the first person to not go to the college down the road. I was the first person to strike out on my own, and the first person to live with roommates, and the first person to not get financial aid, and so I had to also work my way through college.

I amassed a lot of information during that time, and I made a lot of mistakes and miss steps.  I would love to be able to help my kids with this and to help them ask the right questions, so they can navigate better, and even then ask the right questions for their own kids in the future.

Hovering looks different where my two kids are concerned.

Let's start with the oldest.  He's all business.  He's serious.  He's hard

Things that make me really mad...

People who don't give themselves enough time to get where they are going, so they speed and harass people like me who drive speed limit.

Guys who sag their pants... especially to the degree where their entire behinds are above their belt line.  I'm not talking about 2, 3, 4, or even 6 inches below the natural waist.  I'm talking 12-18 inches.  STOP IT.

People who exxagerate the truth for political or social gain.  People who believe these exaggerations.

People who re-victimize victims.

It's been quite a week.  Taking my darling girl on vacation to see some NY shows.  Will miss hubby, but fun's got to be had.

Leading a dead horse

For the past few months, I've been trapped somewhere in between leading a horse to water and beating a dead horse.  However, the horse has been neither thirsty, or willing to try something new. I often tell my kids that the meaning of insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results.  It is of course, not a true definition, but a symptom of insanity in which I have chosen to no longer participate.

It makes me sad that a young, extended family member, with so much promise is dooming himself to not be his best, and to not do his best, but I have to take the onus off of myself, and place it where  it belongs.  Once you have offered opportunity, and resources, and nothing has changed... for months, and months on end, you just have to move on...

And so I am back to working on me, and I am good with that.

Almost done with the real estate course... And need to double up my gym time too, but I was giving that time to someone who did not appreciate it it.

Moving on.

There is a homeschool correlation to this real life story.   I have seen many parents decide they were going to homeschool to fix problems their kids were having in school, such as a bad attitude, or lack of effort. Unfortunately, changing the setting, it not going to make a big change if you don't change the heart... shore up the foundation.  These are often the kids that wind up back in school having made no progress, allowing schools systems and teachers to announce, that homeschooling is a dismal failure.

If your kid is acting up in school, don't expect homeschooling to change that, unless you are going to change the root problem, and maybe even yourself.  In this case, it was just too late, and someone who was already "grown", and who I had no real authority over, wasn't willing to accept what I had to offer.

The lone homeschooler at the party

I really want to delete the last series of blogs I wrote.  Those of the types of things I don't want to deal with. I don't want to think it, and I certainly don't want to write it.  Let's see how long it stays live.  I read a comment yesterday where it was stated that when dealing with touchy subject like this, one person chooses to always opt out, saying "I'm not having THIS conversation".  It seems so wise.

But since I am discussing all of the hard stuff right now, I might as well discuss my the difficult phenomenon of being the lone homeschooler at the party.

I feel like a party game.

I don't know a better way to explain it.  I show up at a party.  There are niceties and introductions, and then the question is asked.... "where do (did) your kids go to school"?  I answer "they are (were)

On Being Black and Homeschooling, Part 5

This is my final word on being black and homeschooling.  For the foreseeable future.

You can catch up here:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

I just don't feel like I ever got to the meat of what I wanted to say.

In all my personal struggles through the loneliness and relative isolation I felt, I have to say that I am ecstatic with the results.

Sure bad things happened:

• Tensions around the 2008 and 2012 elections as I live in a mostly white Southern Conservative Community, and am none of these things. 
• A few individuals making my race an issue in what they felt were personal conversations... "you know, just chatting over differences, iron sharpening iron". 
• Not always feeling included socially, and sometimes feeling like my kids were barely included.
• People saying dumb stuff to me that barely hid certain biases.

Meanwhile, good things happened:

On Being Black and Homeschooling Part 4

Everything about being black and homeschooling was hard.

From my early assessment on Being Black and Homeschooling, to my thoughts on looking back Here and Here, I can see now that I have been on a journey, that took a heads down and power though approach.

Don't get me wrong.  I liked homeschooling.  I really did. I don't regret it at all, and I know it was the best thing for my kids, but the journey felt lonely... it really did.  In the beginning, the only person I felt that really supported me family-wise was my husband... after all, it was originally his idea.  As for family and friends... I was told to spank my kids, and send them back to school. Others just called me crazy. And some said I was "a mess" for homeschooling... whatever that is supposed to mean.

Very fortunately, I had some support of a couple of fellow church members who homeschooled, and they gave me guidance for a while, but that did not last long.  First, I did not feel that I fit into the homeschool groups they brought me to, especially in the early days, and secondly, our

On Being Black and Homeschooling Part 3

Before you read this, I would like you to go back and read parts 1 and 2 of this series.  Part I, On Being Black and Homeschooling written in 2005, and Part 2 Being written directly before this piece.

Now continues part 3:


Over time, the conversations surrounding the 2008 election faded, and I came back to center, leaving behind the edge I felt for being singled out as a misfit black Democrat trying to homeschool my kids among people who were neither of these things.  I never fully felt completely in sync with my previous group of homeschoolers again, but felt comfortable enough to be me, and allow my kids to

On Being Black and Homeschooling Part 2

After 8 years and 3 months, I think it is finally time to revisit one of my most popular blog posts On Being Black and Homeschooling.  Looking back, I can see that I was a bit naive in some of my points such as I did not see the point or need to join a black homeschooling group, and at the same time I may have been too sensitive to whether or not my children and I were welcome in a homeschool community where WE WERE THE DIVERSITY.

But a funny thing happens when you turn 40... as I did 5 years ago... or at least in my case... you stop caring what people think of you.  You stop asking permission to move forward or to be included. You just do you... and so I did. This made the last 5 years of my homeschooling journey a little easier, as I just focussed on what was best for my kids, and did not let race or attitudes affect any of it.

It wasn't easy though.

As much as I wanted to just be a homeschooler first, and leave all ethnicity out of it, I was hit with a

So how are they doing?

Or rather, how successful was your homeschooling based on their college performance?

A parents worth as homeschooling parents one could reason, could be determined by a student's success in further education... i.e. college.

It almost feels like confession when I reply that the boy is hanging in there.  Now that I can add that the girl is kicking butt and taking names, the whole homeschooling experience seems more validated.

But that's pretty unfair, isn't it.

Fortunately for me, I have two kids.  If I only had the son, I might very well be self conscious  about not producing a super student as a result of my homeschooling...  God forbid a homeschooler be an average college student.  If I only had the girl, perhaps, I would be accepted as an homeschooling authority because my under-aged homeschooling daughter was doing an excellent job?

Now that I have taken time to balance all my thoughts on the two kids and their experiences, it is clear to me that the results are a product more of the kids personalities, their natural strengths and weaknesses, and  their learning styles.

I gather now that son is almost done with general-eds and can get to the meat of his program, that we will see him gain traction....  I also suspect that as long as the girl continues to focus, that she will continue to do very well.

As for my job as a homeschooler, I have to relax in the knowledge that I gave my son a stress free experience as school was becoming a nightmare for him.  The fact that he is even in college at all is a huge success... it is now up to him to continue to carve out a success he defines for himself.  As for the girl, I really can't take credit for the free spirit she was born with. Who  would have known that her ability to not take herself too seriously... or anything else as a matter of fact, would parlay in an ability to navigate higher education with such ease?

So I'm going to stop judging our homeschooling based on semester by semester progress in college.  I am going to judge it once and for all as done and complete as I have a son who is well mannered with a strong moral compass, and a girl who is bold, fearless, and caring.

What more can a mother ask for?

Strange and sudden movement

The kids are packed back off to college for another semester...  My nest isn't exactly empty, but the people who live with me are only here part time to go to school, and are self sufficient... and I got really, really bored... and started noticing all the stuff that needed fixing around the house...

So I decided that it is time for me to work.

Not like I had been doing, writing articles and such, but if that still paid well, I gather I would still be doing it...  (Thanks google... it's been years since I've turned a profit doing the blogging/ web writing gig).

So anyway, I have signed up for a real-estate class and expect to be licensed by spring.

Wish me luck.

I will continue to write about homeschooling and education, whenever the inspiration hits, and am working on finishing my e-books before I get too busy...