Freedom

Conversations that changed my outlook on life part 2:

So there's this person who I have known pretty much all my life. Our relationship has always been tenuous. They are demanding. Their love language is gifts... for them... monetary. I don't love that way. So, needless to say, we butt heads. A lot. 

But because of the nature of the relationship, I tried. Over and over. But the older I got, the more I became secure in saying NO. That caused problems. 

After one particular NO. I was told, and I quote: "I hate you. I have always hated you. I will always hate you, and there is nothing you could ever do to change that." Believe it or not, that did not leave me devastated. It freed me. 

In that moment, I understood that my actions would never, ever, ever, EEVVEEERRRRR earn me love. NO. Being who I am would earn me the love that was meant to come to me. So from that moment on, I felt a heavy weight lift from my spirit and I became more authentically myself, knowing that some people are gonna love me, and some people just are not, and I need to stop trying so hard to be who other people want me to be. 

So if I am not that person you remember, who was kinda needy and always seeking approval, you can blame it on MY PERSON, who I will always love regardless, but whose love I can do without if there are strings attached.

Regret

(little girl making big decisions)

(I am stealing this from my Facebook page).  After writing it, it seemed really relative to my blog.  

Conversations that changed my outlook on life... Part 1.
When I was working a second job at a department store preparing to get married, I worked across the aisle from a woman on the other side of marriage. She had been married many, many years, and before her hubby could retire, he had become sick and she was his care-taker. She also had to work for the first time after having been a stay at home mom. Her kids used to come into the store to say hi. Her son was a doctor, and her Daughter was a business woman, and she... She was bitter with regret that she had wasted her time raising her kids and taking care of her husband because look at where it landed her.   

I think she told me these things because she knew I aspired to stay home and take care of my kids and husband and wanted me to escape her fate. She did not scare me from my course though. I saw kids I would be glad to call my own someday, and strength in her ability to adapt.  

But she did scare me away from the sin of regret. I determined that day that whatever came of my life and my family that I would be strong and happy and regret-less.
Sure I regret being unkind on occasion in a couple of circumstances, but I do not and will not regret sacrificing for my family. In the meanwhile, I have also found that gladly sacrificing for my family does not mean ignoring my own needs.

I think what I am trying to say to myself, and my friends is that we all make different decisions in our lives, and then we have to live with those decisions.  We need to do them happily and without regret and bitterness for ourselves and those close to us, and that there is nothing wrong with sacrificing for ourselves and our loved ones.

Personally, for me, doing such has led to greater happiness and fulfillment and has set me up for what seems like a bright future.  Of course I am determined to make it so.

That's not a bomb. That's my belly!

The Atlanta airport TSA now screens with one of those full X-ray machines. Sometimes, I get flagged to be expedited though security, where at most, they check my palms for residue, and sometimes I get the full she-bang.

When I do have to go through the X-ray machine, I have to say it is kind of humiliating. First, you go in, barefoot and put your feet on the germy looking painted feet on the floor, then you lift your hands above your head... and you know... just know, someone is checking out your body and all of its secrets.  Some people do this step and then keep moving, shaking off the feeling of personal violation.  But me... no, not me.

I have to then stand on the next germy foot pad and get felt up.  Apparently the girth I hold around my middle region looks like strapped-on explosives.  The last couple of times, someone rubbed the back of their hands over my stomach, to which I replied... "It's just fat."  They usually giggle and agree.  This time, the young lady kneeded my belly as if she was making pizza dough. It made me feel nauseous.  I replied, (cuz after you are violated, you have to say something, right?).. I replied, see, It's just fat.  She rolled her eyes, and I walked away. Personally I still feel like I deserve a steak dinner.

I'm sorry, I realize they are trying to protect the passengers and myself, but this makes no sense. If my face is chubby. and my legs are as thick and shapely as they are, and my butt is... well, my butt, then chances are, that the girth I am packing on my middle is a flesh belt, and nothing more.

They should really spend more time looking for actual terrorists.

But at least, they stopped combing through my hair, because an afro or a braided bun is surely hiding something right?

Update:  They felt up my stomach, back, and hair on the way back... I'm pretty sure they're not allowed to check your hair anymore.

ATL to New York Commuter flight and my teeny tiny luggage

I found an airline that flies to and from NY from Atlanta every morning.  Just one flight a day. The price is astronomically low. I took it and survived!  I'm going to do it again.

To backtrack a little, I tried taking the bus to NYC to save money, and I was traumatized a little. Over the summer, I paid about $70 round trip to take the China Bus as it is usually called, and it was crowded, smelly, and people were really disgusting and threw food on the floor.  And there were roaches!  Next, my husband and I took the Megabus for about $100 round trip and while it was cleaner, and better, the lack of leg space was physically painful and I had to wear compression socks to stop leg swelling.

The next time I traveled to NY it was me and my adult kids and for $600 we flew round trip.  That's $200 each.  After that trip I prepared myself to only fly and be prepared to pay $200 per trip to NY.  Imagine my surprise when I came across a discount advertisement for $100 round trip in my email.  I jumped on it and have flown back to NY and it wasn't terrible.  But, of course there were some issues.  First, the cost is for flight only.  If you are carrying a bag, you have to pay $25-$75.  AND you have to pay to choose your seat... any seat at all. You have to pay for beverages and snacks. And leg room is non existent.

As I arrived at the airline, and looked at the same clientele I had left on the China Town bus (and for that price, what could I expect). I decided to pay $35 for first class.  (previously, I declined to choose a seat and let them choose it for me for no fee.) Uh.  no, it wasn't first class.  It was the first few rows that had some extra leg space.  There was also the emergency exit row which also had the extra leg room... and you also had to pay $35 for that.  Imagine my disappointment.  There were still middle seats in first class.  Fortunately, no one wanted to pay for first class, and so the middle seats were not taken.  Then there's the fact that it is costly to get to and from the airport, so I still need to build in $100 per trip for ground transportation.  Going back, I may very well be checking a bag, so I will forgo the first class and just try to go to sleep so I don't have to be feel the pain in my legs until I stand up.


But it's OK.  It is still better than either bus company or both combined.  And since I actually have an apartment and clothing in NYC, I don't regularly need luggage.  I will probably get a backpack though because a purse or computer bag is allowed, and a backpack fits both categories, but for this trip, this was my carryon luggage, which qualified for free! Oh, and the image of the little item above... that is the cellphone and ID holder I use to avoid digging into my purse and dumping everything out. So essentially, a wallet on a strap became my purse, and my purse became my luggage.

Now this is not a guaranteed all the time price for Frontier Airlines between my two favorite destinations. This is a discounted fare and if you sign up on the website or other discounting sites you will find it.  Plus, for the most part, you need to fly Tuesday and Wednesday for the best price.  For that reason, I already booked my October and November flights. And these two round trip flights costs only $88.00 each.  If this keeps up, I will never take a bus again.

I will however, bring some candy and a little snack. and I will get a backpack so I can carry a few things back and forth.

Oh, by the way, A lot of frontier routes are cheaper than my ATL to NY route (when on sale).