All that my child has to finish to be done with her homeschool academics forever is health. She finished her economics course last night while I was doing her hair. She used a basic text book via Glencoe and online tests to learn the basics of Economics, then we finished up with "Whatever Happened to Penny Candy", a book that I recently came upon. It is "an Uncle Eric Book", from a series that has a matter-of-fact way to describing political and financial subjects, and I seems like homeschoolers are taking to the book series.
Anyway, after she finished the basic curriculum, I had her read the book and requested a discussion of it... she chose verbal and I was fine with that as I am anxious to finish the year. She described the book chapter by chapter, told my how it compared and contrasted with the textbook and what insight it gave her.
She basically feels that I should have had her do this Economics course before Personal Finance because she may have felt more inclined to embrace the work. She is the type of person who has to understand WHY before she embraces any materials, and this book I added to her Economics course mad the WHY's very clear.
She plans to keep the book forever, and make sure that her future husband reads it too. She feels it will help her avoid the pitfalls that people often fall for that keeps our economy if a constant cycle of boom and bust.
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ahermitt.com
I'm not a big fan of kids either, but...
It may seem unsettling to read that a homeschooler is not a big fan of kids, but it is the truth. They are loud, sticky, selfish, and untrained. They pretty much drive me crazy. Fortunately, I adore my own kids in spite of all this, and that I guess, it what love means. Because I love my own kids, I have made an effort to open my heart to other kids, so that mine would not end up living a solitary existence. I found it easier to do one child at a time, developing a relationship with each child and their parents that my kids brought onto my radar. This is because honestly, if I didn't learn to love these kids, I would not like them at all.
So I understand it when a UK mother writes a viral article on how she regrets having children. Well I understand how she didn't want them at first, but I don't understand why she relented to pressure to have them and then refused to open her heart to them. Isabella Dutton, wrote things like"
On top of this she is resentful that her now grown daughter has MS, and is not too happy about being a grandmother either. Then she has the nerve to go about telling parents how to parent correctly... Can you say narcissism?
This makes me sad... for her kids and for her.
When I was 23 and engaged to be married, I took a part time job at a department store to help pay for the nuptials. While working there I met a woman in her 60's who had pretty much the same amount of bitterness. She was upset that her kids, (a grown Doctor and a Teacher) who would visit her at work and seemed perfectly pleasant, had taken away her life. She was even more resentful that her husband had become ill, and she now had to provide for him. Her life had not panned out as she hoped, and she was not shy about talking about how getting married and having kids had taken away her freedom. I vowed then and there, that whatever adult decisions I made about having a family, would not be followed by regret. I married later that year, and had two kids over time, who, if you follow this blog, you know probably more about than they would like you to know. I have loved every minute of it (OK... not every minute, but you know what I mean). Because I have enjoyed parenting them so much, I believe they have enjoyed being parented. That is why I am sad for Ms. Dutton and her kids. She was only looking at what she was giving them, and completely missed what the kids have to give back. She thinks they gave back nothing, but my kids-and their friends too, have brought me so much joy and happiness, that I feel only the coldest of Grinch hearts could not absorb this wonderful gift.
And so what if she didn't love having little kids around because they can be true energy-suckers... how could she not find joy in the teen years, or the twenties?? I am personally in awe and wonder as I interact with my teen kids and their friends. Just this week, one of my daughters friends felt he had let me down as he could not complete something (electronic related) he promised he would do for me. It was a bit disappointing, but his sad face and eyes and wonderful spirit left me consoling him and counseling him to keep trying, and not give up working on the skill he was building, and to try again soon. I got more joy in making him feel good than I could have gotten in having him being successful. ... and that is what parenting is about.
If a person like me who sees a little kid coming and wants to run in the opposite direction can connect with my kids and other young people in a meaningful way, then there is hope for Ms. Dutton. Sure she screwed up with her kids because of her cold and hard heart, but here's to hoping that she finds some joy in her grandchildren. If she cannot, I would recommend that her son keep her at a distance from his kids.
So I understand it when a UK mother writes a viral article on how she regrets having children. Well I understand how she didn't want them at first, but I don't understand why she relented to pressure to have them and then refused to open her heart to them. Isabella Dutton, wrote things like"
- I felt completely detached from this alien being who had encroached upon my settled married life and changed it, irrevocably, for the worse.
- Quite simply, I had always hated the idea of motherhood. In that instant, any lingering hope that becoming a mum would cure me of my antipathy was dispelled.
- I felt precisely the same indifference towards her (daughter) as I had to Stuart, but I knew I would care for Jo to the best of my ability, and love her as I'd grown to love him.
On top of this she is resentful that her now grown daughter has MS, and is not too happy about being a grandmother either. Then she has the nerve to go about telling parents how to parent correctly... Can you say narcissism?
This makes me sad... for her kids and for her.
When I was 23 and engaged to be married, I took a part time job at a department store to help pay for the nuptials. While working there I met a woman in her 60's who had pretty much the same amount of bitterness. She was upset that her kids, (a grown Doctor and a Teacher) who would visit her at work and seemed perfectly pleasant, had taken away her life. She was even more resentful that her husband had become ill, and she now had to provide for him. Her life had not panned out as she hoped, and she was not shy about talking about how getting married and having kids had taken away her freedom. I vowed then and there, that whatever adult decisions I made about having a family, would not be followed by regret. I married later that year, and had two kids over time, who, if you follow this blog, you know probably more about than they would like you to know. I have loved every minute of it (OK... not every minute, but you know what I mean). Because I have enjoyed parenting them so much, I believe they have enjoyed being parented. That is why I am sad for Ms. Dutton and her kids. She was only looking at what she was giving them, and completely missed what the kids have to give back. She thinks they gave back nothing, but my kids-and their friends too, have brought me so much joy and happiness, that I feel only the coldest of Grinch hearts could not absorb this wonderful gift.
And so what if she didn't love having little kids around because they can be true energy-suckers... how could she not find joy in the teen years, or the twenties?? I am personally in awe and wonder as I interact with my teen kids and their friends. Just this week, one of my daughters friends felt he had let me down as he could not complete something (electronic related) he promised he would do for me. It was a bit disappointing, but his sad face and eyes and wonderful spirit left me consoling him and counseling him to keep trying, and not give up working on the skill he was building, and to try again soon. I got more joy in making him feel good than I could have gotten in having him being successful. ... and that is what parenting is about.
If a person like me who sees a little kid coming and wants to run in the opposite direction can connect with my kids and other young people in a meaningful way, then there is hope for Ms. Dutton. Sure she screwed up with her kids because of her cold and hard heart, but here's to hoping that she finds some joy in her grandchildren. If she cannot, I would recommend that her son keep her at a distance from his kids.
You're right and I'm wrong - Respecting children
Keeping in the theme of raising kids to be confident and secure, I want to talk about my kids' favorite sentence. It is :
I've always thought it was the good and proper thing to say to a kid when it turned out that they were right, and I was wrong. ... Because, well, it is the truth and they needed to be validated that they were in fact the correct and informed person in whatever conversation we were having.
I guess I am pretty dense, because I thought everyone said these things to their kids (though I can count on two fingers the times my parents said it). But I had a girl visiting with me, the daughter of someone very visible and quite spiritual, and she nearly fainted when she heard those words come from my mouth. This child, about 12 at the time, turned to me and said, "what did you say?" I repeated myself and she looked at me in wide-eyed amazement. "Parents don't have to say that," she said. Wow, I thought.
I replied, "well, if you and I are on opposite sides of a disagreement, and you're right, and I'm wrong, then I will say it to you too."
It's been several years, and I am still dumbfounded by that conversation.
So that line is still my kid's favorite, and as they got older, we have found new lines, such as:
In the end, it is about allowing a kid to have his own mind and to validate his or her thoughts and feelings. Failure to do so will SHOOT THEM DOWN, as my husband is fond of saying. And a child who is constantly shot down, will be an adult who doesn't know how to speak up for themselves. Or even worse, they will bide their time until they have people they can shoot down, and the cycle will continue.
FREE HOME EDUCATION WEBSITE
ahermitt.com
You're right, and I'm wrong.
I've always thought it was the good and proper thing to say to a kid when it turned out that they were right, and I was wrong. ... Because, well, it is the truth and they needed to be validated that they were in fact the correct and informed person in whatever conversation we were having.
I guess I am pretty dense, because I thought everyone said these things to their kids (though I can count on two fingers the times my parents said it). But I had a girl visiting with me, the daughter of someone very visible and quite spiritual, and she nearly fainted when she heard those words come from my mouth. This child, about 12 at the time, turned to me and said, "what did you say?" I repeated myself and she looked at me in wide-eyed amazement. "Parents don't have to say that," she said. Wow, I thought.
I replied, "well, if you and I are on opposite sides of a disagreement, and you're right, and I'm wrong, then I will say it to you too."
It's been several years, and I am still dumbfounded by that conversation.
So that line is still my kid's favorite, and as they got older, we have found new lines, such as:
- Agreeing to disagree
- Let's look at it from a different viewpoint
- You might have a point there
- I'm going to give this one to you and save my fight for another day.
In the end, it is about allowing a kid to have his own mind and to validate his or her thoughts and feelings. Failure to do so will SHOOT THEM DOWN, as my husband is fond of saying. And a child who is constantly shot down, will be an adult who doesn't know how to speak up for themselves. Or even worse, they will bide their time until they have people they can shoot down, and the cycle will continue.
FREE HOME EDUCATION WEBSITE
ahermitt.com
Dating Woes and Parenting Style
I didn't know whether to call this blog post Dating Woes or Parenting Style because I feel like my parenting style may have caused the dating woes I am having with my kids. So... what do I start with.
Well, here is the main woe... Neither of my kids has gone on a date. My son is 18 and in college (ok- no date I know about) and my daughter is 16 and starting college in the fall. I realize some of you may think I am crazy for being unhappy about this, after all, how many people wish their kids would focus on education and not worry about the opposite sex, right? But my issue is that if I don't ever see my kids interact on a romantic level, how will I know if they are on the right track? How will I know whether or not they will lose themselves in a relationship? How can I whisper advice to my kids when I see things may not be right? Once they are out of the house, it will be pretty hard. So this is why I am troubled.
I guess you can categorize this into a first world/homeschooler problem.
I blame myself that my kids don't need a significant other to validate themselves. I have been very purposeful from birth to be a hands on- hands off parent. I am hands on in areas of affection. I touch, hug, give back rubs, tickle feet, walk by them and smile, touch their faces, and any other kind of physical affection that a parent can heap upon a child. My husband has done the same. My kids are not starved for affection in any way, shape, or form. I am hands off in areas of their will. I let them have their own will, to express their own opinions, to allow their opinions to be opposite of mine, and to let them sometimes guide me, based on their feelings and intuition. We are a team, and I allow them to lead whenever appropriate. They don't need to look outside the home to feel valued. And so in doing all this work to build up my kids, I left a big gaping hole in the romantical area. My kids neither need or seek such attachment.
So prom is next week, and my daughter and I had a conversation that we've had for the last couple of years at this time. I asked if she would be happier to have a date for prom. Her answer was the same as last year- "why?". "I have no feelings for anyone I know outside of brotherly affection, so it would be ridiculous to date any of them for prom when I could just as well go with my female friends." She said it so strongly and matter-of-factly, that I knew her convictions on this subject were strong. This did however, lead to another conversation that was a first-time thing. As she is headed to college at 17 yrs and a few days, she was concerned that any guy she does meet will certainly be older than her. She wanted guidelines as to what age gap was acceptable. That led to a thoughtful discussion about things I won't discuss publicly.
I feel comfortable and happy that my kids are where they are developmentally, but I do have a nagging feeling about them not having dated. Am I crazy? I'd love some other homeshcoolers to let me know how they feel. The only other information I can give is that our household is Christian, but we abhor anything legalistic, so we have placed no restrictions on our kids in the dating area, and have always been open for discussion on anything. We've also discussed being aware of and avoiding dating someone just for fun... that they couldn't see themselves in a long term relationship with.
FREE HOME EDUCATION WEBSITE
ahermitt.com
Well, here is the main woe... Neither of my kids has gone on a date. My son is 18 and in college (ok- no date I know about) and my daughter is 16 and starting college in the fall. I realize some of you may think I am crazy for being unhappy about this, after all, how many people wish their kids would focus on education and not worry about the opposite sex, right? But my issue is that if I don't ever see my kids interact on a romantic level, how will I know if they are on the right track? How will I know whether or not they will lose themselves in a relationship? How can I whisper advice to my kids when I see things may not be right? Once they are out of the house, it will be pretty hard. So this is why I am troubled.
I guess you can categorize this into a first world/homeschooler problem.
I blame myself that my kids don't need a significant other to validate themselves. I have been very purposeful from birth to be a hands on- hands off parent. I am hands on in areas of affection. I touch, hug, give back rubs, tickle feet, walk by them and smile, touch their faces, and any other kind of physical affection that a parent can heap upon a child. My husband has done the same. My kids are not starved for affection in any way, shape, or form. I am hands off in areas of their will. I let them have their own will, to express their own opinions, to allow their opinions to be opposite of mine, and to let them sometimes guide me, based on their feelings and intuition. We are a team, and I allow them to lead whenever appropriate. They don't need to look outside the home to feel valued. And so in doing all this work to build up my kids, I left a big gaping hole in the romantical area. My kids neither need or seek such attachment.
So prom is next week, and my daughter and I had a conversation that we've had for the last couple of years at this time. I asked if she would be happier to have a date for prom. Her answer was the same as last year- "why?". "I have no feelings for anyone I know outside of brotherly affection, so it would be ridiculous to date any of them for prom when I could just as well go with my female friends." She said it so strongly and matter-of-factly, that I knew her convictions on this subject were strong. This did however, lead to another conversation that was a first-time thing. As she is headed to college at 17 yrs and a few days, she was concerned that any guy she does meet will certainly be older than her. She wanted guidelines as to what age gap was acceptable. That led to a thoughtful discussion about things I won't discuss publicly.
I feel comfortable and happy that my kids are where they are developmentally, but I do have a nagging feeling about them not having dated. Am I crazy? I'd love some other homeshcoolers to let me know how they feel. The only other information I can give is that our household is Christian, but we abhor anything legalistic, so we have placed no restrictions on our kids in the dating area, and have always been open for discussion on anything. We've also discussed being aware of and avoiding dating someone just for fun... that they couldn't see themselves in a long term relationship with.
FREE HOME EDUCATION WEBSITE
ahermitt.com
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12 grade year of homeschooling, Finishing Strong
We are almost done with my college prep series. There will still be a video on completing the transcript. Stay tuned... meanwhile, ...
