Hands off parents!

sketch a day #18   (scribbling on the road trip)

I visited with the kids this weekend.  Sort of. Our son wanted to come home for the weekend, and so went down and picked him up. (These kids will have car(s) by summer.)

Since we were there (they both go to college in the same city two hours from home) we stopped to see our daughter. In case you missed this, she goes to a women's college. I don't know if this is unique to Women's colleges or not, but there is clearly a hand-off vibe where parents are concerned. They love for parents to come out for parent designated events which are few and far apart... and they live it when we come to performances.... some performances, but just because it is weekend, does not mean it is mom and dad's time.  You are a college woman, and it is all college all the time.

We arrived Thursday evening and stopped at the girl's college to bring her some things she asked for. She was busy with Theatre rehearsals, as she is stage manager for this particular show, and so we dutifully waited behind the theatre building for her to come out.  She came out and had enough time for some big hugs and a few rushed words.  She said, "the professor said WHY ARE YOUR PARENTS HERE!?"  She relayed that is a way that meant, "this is not the time for mom and dad".  She told her why we were here and was granted a few minutes to meet with us.

We returned on Sunday and got a couple of hours with her.  We had enough time for some lunch and some shopping (two sweaters and a batman letter-jacket/sweatshirt) and some cleaning supplies, and dropped her off in time for another rehearsal.

When I was in college, I remember having time on the weekends to hang out and to work, and maybe go to some parties.  My girls experience is nothing like this.  When she is not working, she is working... and parents are just a distraction.

If I sound upset, I am not.

Her college is high stress, and they are keeping her very busy.  No time for shenanigans.  She is handling it like a champ.  It is no wonder such a large percentage of their graduates end up in elite graduate programs.

An exercise in frustration

So there's this art exercise where you scribble on the paper, and then try to turn that scribble into a work of art.  I am not good at it, but I spend a good deal of time on that exercise today.  Here are my attempts.  I'm only counting one of them today... the one that I liked.

This is one type of an exercise in frustration.  Most often, an exercise in frustration is when you are doing something over and over again, and expecting a different result.  Wait.  Isn't that also a definition for insanity?  

You know, you deal with the same person, day in and day out and pray for a different result when the conversation and motivations don't change.  It's kind of a why bother type of thing.  

sketch a day #17  45 min

In this case, I hope that by doing this exercise over and over, I can develop the more creative part of my brain and embrace some kind of uniqueness in my art that is unique to me, but developed.  I hate the process of this type of exercise, but I can see where it is useful.  Hopefully, I will get past the point of frustration in this exercise and make some kind of progress or breakthrough. 

Walking in other people's shoes

sketch a day #16 -30 min

I read a couple of stories today that I found terribly disappointing. 

 First, a young man of 16 years was accused by someone he had never met of stealing the person's backpack.  He was arrested and placed in Rikers Island because his family could not come up with $10,000 bail. He stayed there for 3 years without a trial.  He attempted suicide several times but was unsuccessful, and received beatings from the guards for his attempts.  Soon before being released he was brought before a judge who told him if he pled guilty, he could go home with time served.  He refused. He was not going to take the rap for something he had not done.  Soon after all charges were mysteriously dropped.  He is suing.  I hope he wins. 

I don't know what the young man's personality was.  I don't know what his track record was. I don't know anything about him except what I have seen on TV.  He is 21, meek, mild, and broken.

Personally, as a parent, I would have found the bail money somewhere, but I don't live in the Bronx, and I don't know the position of his parents. So while I cannot understand that he was left in jail for 3 years without a trial, I can step into his shoes long enough to believe that a young black man can and will be railroaded by the justice system and then kept in jail even though the district attorney was repeatedly "not ready" to try him.  Stuff like this makes me worry about my own children.



A parent laments on how he thought he did everything right with his kids. Raised them in as an elite environment as he could afford. Taught him diction and rules for a black man behaving in a not so black society.  The kid excelled and was doing fine.  All of that was broken with one word, heard at the age 16 while studying at an elite summer program. "Nigger." He realized that all the hard work he had done would not protect his kids from prejudice and injustice. I made this same realization a couple years ago when young black men started getting shot because someone was "afraid of them".  Not because of what they did, but of what someone thought they might do. These are my shoes. I pray someone will try to step into them and see things from my perspective.  My son is HUGE, and meek and mild. I've taught him to clear his throat when he was walking up on someone and to never surprise anyone.  To look people in the eye and speak, and to always be a gentleman. But I have this nagging fear about his safety when he is away from me.

This is difficult and this is sad.  Is this why I wear out my shoes so fast?

The election is over, and I just don't care

sketch a day #14 - 15 minutes

I was done with elections before it even started.  Obvious lies on tv directed toward idiots who don't know any better (both sides).  Constant calls to my house, from both political parties (because I am not beholden to any group).  

And then there's the fact that I am an area manager for my county's elections.  They started us working on hiring and managing staff 3 months before the election, a month earlier than usual, and still we were short-staffed.  But the biggest problem is that the general public does not know if they are even registered to vote (if you think you are not, you probably aren't and should go ahead and do that) and those who are don't know where to vote.  The rest of the people have no idea WHERE they are supposed to vote, so we, the workers get yelled at because YOU showed up at the wrong location.   I blame this on the county. We used to get post cards before every election.  I haven't seen a post-card with voting location come to my home in years.  

Why?

Sure, you can go online and find out where you are supposed to go, but the elderly are the most active voters, and they don't even know how to do that... others don't have that kind of access to computers. It is very frustrating to have to try to explain to person after person why they should vote where they are registered, and why they can't just stop at any "vote here" sign and vote.  

I just did an extensive online search in an attempt to place a link that would explain to people why it is important they vote at their own precinct.  There was NO official information online at-all.  So, here's my simple explanation. (from my educated opinion)  You are registered to vote based on where you live. They make a concerted attempt to get you a voting location as close to your home as humanly possible.  They can't give you a precinct based on here you work or go to school, because that information will change.  If you show up to vote at just any location to vote, your name won't be in that locations computers.  There is no way to network these computers as the locations are temporary and not permanent, and the risks of having a temporary network to allow you to vote just anywhere are huge.. with hackers and all.  So... if you insist on voting where it is most convenient for you, either where you work, or just happen to pass by, that precinct will not be able to process your vote by computer, because you are not on their computer.  They can find your name and tell you where you should go (maybe) but they cannot process your vote.  If you want to vote there, you have to issue an old fashioned paper ballot.  Which by the way, may not have all the races you would vote on at your home precinct. It is a complicated and difficult process, and they have to make phone calls to get approval (for many reasons... one being that some people might try to vote at their home precinct, and then go somewhere else and vote. ) That have to look up your info and they approve your paper ballot... than there's all the paperwork... so be patient.  You made the decision to vote elsewhere. Be patient and let the workers do their due diligence.  It is for your protection and theirs.

sketch a day #15  10 minutes

And those people who come in there to vent their frustrations with the government, or even the voting process... that can't understand the phrase "you can't have that conversation in here", and think we are impeding their free speech.  I think we need humongous signs that say "it is a crime to discuss politics at a voting precinct"... BECAUSE IT IS ILLEGAL!

And then, there's the fact that I started working at 4:45 am, when I got my first call from one of my staff on election morning, and I stepped foot in my home at 11:30 pm.  Gives new meaning to Beyonce's line "I woke up like this.