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Saturday, July 20, 2013

I know you'd rather me not talk about the Zimmerman Trial

Things are strangely quiet around here.  There has been nothing on my mind but the Zimmerman trial, and I know that a great deal of my subscribers don't agree with me politically or socially... (but I love you nonetheless).  So that told me that they would certainly not agree with me on this trail.

Another reason I have been so quiet is that I am still processing how I feel.  Stunned, blown away, confused... this does not even begin to touch on the depth of my feelings.

I went head to head with an old friend who was defending why Zimmerman may have been so gun-shy  (realizing the pun) that night, and I really could just not see past my own pain.  Nor could I really communicate my pain. I just know that I keep looking at my wonderful son who I put so much effort into raising and homeschooling and I am still wondering how safe he really is.

We made sure he was polite.
We made sure he was smart.
We made sure he was classy and classic.
We made sure he was a man of integrity and honor....

But these are things you cannot tell when you see a young man that it 6'3, 240lbs,  and walks with a slow deliberate gait.  If it's raining, he may even want to pull on a hood.  How does he not look like a profilers definition of a thug?  All my work.  All my effort.  All of his success, and the content of his character is still not the first thing people see?

So excuse me that I can't see past my point of view when looking at this issue, which by the way has NOTHING to do with Zimmerman's actions or motives.

Like I told my old friend, who tried to suggest that we both need to repent for jumping to conclusions...

 I can only repent for myself. I can't repent for how some .... person will react to my son. I literally saw a waiter once literally jump 2 feet because my son walked up to him. He was shaking. Took him a minute to calm down, so excuse my reaction, but I am living in a real world of real actions that happen day-in and day-out. I don't want to hear another word about Zimmerman, because at the end of the day, someone's boy got killed over the same assumption that I have SEEN people make about MY kid.
But, who am I to second guess a trial.  Who am I to second guess God at work. Maybe being free in a world that is now hostile toward you is punishment enough???  But I have lived long enough to know that such a verdict gives others cart blanche to also say... "that person scared me, or worried me, so I confronted him.  He hit me, so I shot him."

Funny, I didn't really mean to  write all this, but this is how emotionally twisted up I am.  I open my mouth and all this stuff just floods out... and if you know ANYTHING about me, you know that race is always the furthest thing from my mind, but I think I am realizing that at the end of the day, we are STILL considered undesirable by many, and that is not cool.

I thought I was just going to introduce a video here, but still have so much to say... so, let me go ahead and introduce the video.  This young lady is a YouTube star, a comedian, and a social activist, and she really does have some great healing things to say about this situation.    If you have any attention span left after my diatribe, please watch her video.


Happy Elf Mom said...

Unfortunately often we're really talking past each other because we have different realities:

To me, NO WAY Zimmerman is remotely white. You could be from Spain and still not be white. To others, Zimmerman is just as white as my blue-eyed child. (And then I think, maybe I am snotty or even *racist* for having such distinctions? And yet they are important. Because Zimmerman would get followed by the neighbourhood watch around here, oh yes, he would! Not white.)

Yet still (and here is what I think overall), then I wonder if we hear about Trayvon because his family was not dirt poor and in the 'hood. And they can advocate. The same thing happens with black kidnapping victims or missing children.

I think maybe whites generally aren't invested in the story because it doesn't speak to our collective unconscious. I don't think people are trying to be heartless when they don't get why THIS story is important.

So anyway. Keep writing. I think you are one of the few people on either "side" of this issue who isn't screaming, but thinking and reasoning and writing and then re-thinking yet again.

PS You are always my friend even when we don't see things the same way. I also think it is important to have different friends who can challenge your viewpoint or complement it, even. All the discussion in the world, though, won't make you feel safe about your son and for that I am truly sorry.

Ahermitt said...

The thing is... you do get it. You care enough about me as a person to at least say "I think this person is reasonable, and so I need to at least acknowledge and understand that separate from Zimmerman, there is a fear for her child." I don't think that is too much to ask. And thank you for your acknowledgement.

Also, it doesn't matter if you or I think Zimmerman is white or hispanic. Zimmerman believes he is white. I realize this is as crazy as ME considering myself white, but indulge me for a minute. If my dad was white, and I chose to self identify that way and also had a problem with another ethnic group who I decided I was better than, then I gather i would be hostile and incite some racial issues. This guy has a past of targeting and bullying other minorities at work. He only identifies with his father's nationality. It doesn't matter what his mirror says.. That is not how he sees himself. Crazy, but true.

And yes, I have seen this first hand with people who were just as dark as me saying with their mouths, that I was black and they were not, and so there were better than me. So back to your first sentence, we have different realities, and I can't make stuff like this up. It is too crazy!

And for some reason I can't explain, I do see this kid in my child, and the fear is paralyzing.