Not Another Homeschool Blog

On a fateful day in late June, I will be 50.  I am dealing with a little depression due to circumstances out of my control, but overall, I am still pretty frikken excited about turning 50.   I think that officially makes me middle age?   But here are some interesting stats.   Two of my sisters didn't live past 30.  Another didn't make it to 40.  A brother did not make it to 40.  And my mother died at 55.  So that fact that I am here in this time and place is miraculous to me.  I'm fine. Those siblings were siblings that I grew up with, but we had a blended family, and there is no DNA in common with any of those people except my mom... who smoked... since she was 11.  All the same, there is some survivor guilt and also some awed enthusiasm as I approach this crazy milestone.    Are you ready?  Cuz I am. 

I have a horrible fixation with having the first appointment of the morning. I hate the idea of being behind whatever could possibly go wrong during the day. A previous appointment who is late. The doctor (or whoever the appointment is with) having a bad sandwich... whatever could affect the course of one's day.... I don't want it to affect mine. So if the mammogram office tells me that there is a 7:30 AM appointment, I am taking it. Yes. I am crazy. First, I didn't sleep well not wanting to miss my appointment and worried that I would not wake up with the 6am alarm (as I had to be there at 7)  so I was cranky and tired. Second, It was for a mammogram, so I had high anxiety. Third, I hadn't had a mammogram in 4 years because the hospital messed up my bill the last time, and it took 3 years to straighten it out, I didn't want to deal with them again.   Also, they scared me to death and inconvenienced me thinking something was wrong for the doctor to decide it was...

I edited an essay for a college bound student the other day.  I found the essay intriguing because it was quite and artistic way of saying, I tend to procrastinate, but I am working on it. If I were the admissions officer, I would accept them. The essay started out describing time as the enemy. It pondered through the relativism of time and some philosophy regarding time and how we move through it. Interestingly enough, I have been feeling similar feelings... except more like that time has become a tractor trailer with failing brakes. My dad was a truck driver, so I am well aware of the struggle the truck has climbing the hill. It seems, slow, arduous, and painful, but it keeps chugging with that "I think I can attitude". As it climbs that hill (of life) it picks up experiences, and skills, and learns little tricks and tips to make the journey successful.... And then it reaches the top.  It puts its proverbial hands on its hips and surveys the surroundings.  It would...

So, I changed my blog title.  It was coming for some time.  My youngest homeschooler graduates from college in May and my oldest just applied for Grad school... and while I am still somewhat involved and give advice to homeschoolers (and am almost done with my book), my most passionate posts as of late have been about me and dealing with this world.  Check out my Anger and loathing series and you will see what I mean. I am constantly having moments. I am short tempered.  It gets real hot at the most inopportune times and my under-boob skin is dry and sensitive.  I've spent my whole life being a "natural beauty" with the exception of some awkward teen years, and now My bathroom is bursting with potions and bottles.  Lord, Help Me!! So this is where I am at. Enjoy the ride.