What Am I doing? Part 1 (nfahm lost files)

The Lost Files
Prologue
What a Difference A Year Makes Part 1
Chapter 1: What a Difference A Year Makes Part 2
Chapter 2: Background Influences
Chapter 3: What Am I doing? Part 1

What am I doing?

I asked myself, that question on that first morning after the decision was final. We (or
rather I) were going to homeschool our children. "No one is holding a gun to your head";
I told myself; "you are making your life harder than it has to be" "Why have I chosen to
home school your children, and what do they lose by staying home?"

Looking back to when I was pregnant with Jackson, our son and first child, my husband
suggested we try homeschooling, as we had already agreed that I would stay home and
not use childcare. Why not keep going, he asked. What I said to him in response was not
nice. I felt homeschooling would make me a prisoner to my children, and it was not in the
original deal when we decided to have kids. No way, by the time they where old enough
for preschool, you had better believe they would be enrolled. Staying home until then
would fulfill my duties as a mother, by getting them started on the right foot. After that,
my only responsibility would be to pick the best schools we could afford and to help with
homework.

That is all different now. After living in several states, and attending several schools in
many different school systems, both private and public, it was painfully clear school was
not working for our children. We had one child, Jackson who could obviously advance
quickly if given the opportunity, and another who we were told needed to be tested for
ADHD and medicated. The schools could not provide what either child needed''' one-on-one attention. I could see that clearly, finally. So I braved all the "I told-you-so’s" from
my husband and together we made the decision for me to cut back on my outside
responsibilities and activities to homeschool our children.

What about them?

Thoughts continually flooded my head trying to convince me my kids would be better off
in school with trained teachers and kids their own age. After all, I am impatient, unorganized,
and needy. Couldn’t a trained teacher give them more than I have to offer?
Will I be able to teach them as much as they could learn in school? Am I destroying their
future? What could I possibly have to offer these children that a school cannot?

What about socialization?

Will they become lonely from spending less time with kids their age? Will they become
sullen, withdrawn and shy? Will they become super-nerds, yet find themselves unable to
carry on a normal conversation? How will they learn how to interact with people their
own age?


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