An exercise in frustration

So there's this art exercise where you scribble on the paper, and then try to turn that scribble into a work of art.  I am not good at it, but I spend a good deal of time on that exercise today.  Here are my attempts.  I'm only counting one of them today... the one that I liked.

This is one type of an exercise in frustration.  Most often, an exercise in frustration is when you are doing something over and over again, and expecting a different result.  Wait.  Isn't that also a definition for insanity?  

You know, you deal with the same person, day in and day out and pray for a different result when the conversation and motivations don't change.  It's kind of a why bother type of thing.  

sketch a day #17  45 min

In this case, I hope that by doing this exercise over and over, I can develop the more creative part of my brain and embrace some kind of uniqueness in my art that is unique to me, but developed.  I hate the process of this type of exercise, but I can see where it is useful.  Hopefully, I will get past the point of frustration in this exercise and make some kind of progress or breakthrough. 

Walking in other people's shoes

sketch a day #16 -30 min

I read a couple of stories today that I found terribly disappointing. 

 First, a young man of 16 years was accused by someone he had never met of stealing the person's backpack.  He was arrested and placed in Rikers Island because his family could not come up with $10,000 bail. He stayed there for 3 years without a trial.  He attempted suicide several times but was unsuccessful, and received beatings from the guards for his attempts.  Soon before being released he was brought before a judge who told him if he pled guilty, he could go home with time served.  He refused. He was not going to take the rap for something he had not done.  Soon after all charges were mysteriously dropped.  He is suing.  I hope he wins. 

I don't know what the young man's personality was.  I don't know what his track record was. I don't know anything about him except what I have seen on TV.  He is 21, meek, mild, and broken.

Personally, as a parent, I would have found the bail money somewhere, but I don't live in the Bronx, and I don't know the position of his parents. So while I cannot understand that he was left in jail for 3 years without a trial, I can step into his shoes long enough to believe that a young black man can and will be railroaded by the justice system and then kept in jail even though the district attorney was repeatedly "not ready" to try him.  Stuff like this makes me worry about my own children.



A parent laments on how he thought he did everything right with his kids. Raised them in as an elite environment as he could afford. Taught him diction and rules for a black man behaving in a not so black society.  The kid excelled and was doing fine.  All of that was broken with one word, heard at the age 16 while studying at an elite summer program. "Nigger." He realized that all the hard work he had done would not protect his kids from prejudice and injustice. I made this same realization a couple years ago when young black men started getting shot because someone was "afraid of them".  Not because of what they did, but of what someone thought they might do. These are my shoes. I pray someone will try to step into them and see things from my perspective.  My son is HUGE, and meek and mild. I've taught him to clear his throat when he was walking up on someone and to never surprise anyone.  To look people in the eye and speak, and to always be a gentleman. But I have this nagging fear about his safety when he is away from me.

This is difficult and this is sad.  Is this why I wear out my shoes so fast?

The election is over, and I just don't care

sketch a day #14 - 15 minutes

I was done with elections before it even started.  Obvious lies on tv directed toward idiots who don't know any better (both sides).  Constant calls to my house, from both political parties (because I am not beholden to any group).  

And then there's the fact that I am an area manager for my county's elections.  They started us working on hiring and managing staff 3 months before the election, a month earlier than usual, and still we were short-staffed.  But the biggest problem is that the general public does not know if they are even registered to vote (if you think you are not, you probably aren't and should go ahead and do that) and those who are don't know where to vote.  The rest of the people have no idea WHERE they are supposed to vote, so we, the workers get yelled at because YOU showed up at the wrong location.   I blame this on the county. We used to get post cards before every election.  I haven't seen a post-card with voting location come to my home in years.  

Why?

Sure, you can go online and find out where you are supposed to go, but the elderly are the most active voters, and they don't even know how to do that... others don't have that kind of access to computers. It is very frustrating to have to try to explain to person after person why they should vote where they are registered, and why they can't just stop at any "vote here" sign and vote.  

I just did an extensive online search in an attempt to place a link that would explain to people why it is important they vote at their own precinct.  There was NO official information online at-all.  So, here's my simple explanation. (from my educated opinion)  You are registered to vote based on where you live. They make a concerted attempt to get you a voting location as close to your home as humanly possible.  They can't give you a precinct based on here you work or go to school, because that information will change.  If you show up to vote at just any location to vote, your name won't be in that locations computers.  There is no way to network these computers as the locations are temporary and not permanent, and the risks of having a temporary network to allow you to vote just anywhere are huge.. with hackers and all.  So... if you insist on voting where it is most convenient for you, either where you work, or just happen to pass by, that precinct will not be able to process your vote by computer, because you are not on their computer.  They can find your name and tell you where you should go (maybe) but they cannot process your vote.  If you want to vote there, you have to issue an old fashioned paper ballot.  Which by the way, may not have all the races you would vote on at your home precinct. It is a complicated and difficult process, and they have to make phone calls to get approval (for many reasons... one being that some people might try to vote at their home precinct, and then go somewhere else and vote. ) That have to look up your info and they approve your paper ballot... than there's all the paperwork... so be patient.  You made the decision to vote elsewhere. Be patient and let the workers do their due diligence.  It is for your protection and theirs.

sketch a day #15  10 minutes

And those people who come in there to vent their frustrations with the government, or even the voting process... that can't understand the phrase "you can't have that conversation in here", and think we are impeding their free speech.  I think we need humongous signs that say "it is a crime to discuss politics at a voting precinct"... BECAUSE IT IS ILLEGAL!

And then, there's the fact that I started working at 4:45 am, when I got my first call from one of my staff on election morning, and I stepped foot in my home at 11:30 pm.  Gives new meaning to Beyonce's line "I woke up like this. 

We might be too young to downsize

sketch a day 12 30min

This is for yesterday.  I missed a day.

Hubby and I spent the day looking at houses.  We would like to downsize. Our house is huge... frankly too big to really keep clean with only 2-3 people living in it 80% of the time. So we went looking at new home developments in the area, hoping there was something out there for middle aged folks who wanted something smaller, but nice.

No-siree...there wasn't.  Based on what we found, I have come to realize that in our suburban area if we want to downsize will will either have to buy something in a less desirable area of town or wait 9 years.  Apparently we are too young to downsize.

The the two-3 bedroom houses with nice finishes are reserved for 55 and older communities!  Sure there are starter houses here and there but they are finished with poorly done laminate countertops and linoleum floors. This is not the kind of thing that 40-something year olds is looking to move into.  Our best bet would be to go to an area closer to the city that is gentrifying, and buy something old and redo it.  That is not my idea of a good time either. Unless, I could find something that wasn't really built to be a house that I could transform into one.

The sketch above is of a neighborhood association club house that I have redrawn as a home.  (I turned the sitting and storage areas into bedrooms. When I go smaller, I don't want to move into a bunch of tiny cramped rooms.  Instead, I want fewer large rooms.  Still that would include less square feet, but unless I am living in NYC... (long story) I don't want to live in a closet.

It seems to me that because houses are built so large in the Atlanta area, it is hard for homebuilders to fathom that homeowners might want something more reasonably sized.  But even those huge houses are built poorly. In one house we looked in, the bedrooms were too small, and the closets would literally hold 10 outfits max!  And that would be if the closets were packed full!  Who does that?

One that I did like costs $70,000 more than what I already have and had a third floor.  That would just be taking my basement space which I don't use and stacking it on top of the house... Still it was nice, but that would not be downsizing, it would be the opposite.

I don't know what we are going to do... .about a lot of things. A job assignment that would take us to New York has been put on hold.  This started the whole conversation about getting a smaller house here, and getting a little tiny nest in NY.  Regardless of what happens, we know that we want to downsize, but in order to do that, we will have to get a lot closer to the city to find something acceptible and then we will have to gut it to get what we need.

A pain in the head

Sketch a day #11 - 15 minutes. 

No matter how many times it has happened to you, you still don't see it coming.  It starts with something small that creates tension in your body, and then you feel little explosions in your brain and sometimes pretty colors and still you ignore it.

Day two, you realize what is going on, but now the medicine won't work.  You should have taken it yesterday.

Day three, people are trying to drag you off to the emergency room, but you know that they will tell you the same thing as last time, and you promise that it if is still going on tomorrow, you will go.

Fortunately, there's a guy at the mall that knows what to do.  You drag yourself there with one eye open.  You grunt and point, and mumble, "20 minutes" and while what he is doing seems torturous at the moment, and you pray to God that he doesn't actually paralyze you with his gyrations, you leave feeling a bit lighter, and after a nice long nap and a ton of water, you merely feel nauseous.

You've survived another migraine!  Technically, I think mine are tension headaches that turn into cluster headaches... but they are no fun at all.

It makes me sad to know that my son had these his entire childhood.  I am so glad that he rarely ever gets them anymore.  If it weren't for homeschooling though, he would have never been successful because they could derail an entire day of school, but at home, I could put him in bed at the first sign, rub his back, and administer medicine... he could catch up later, or perhaps later in the afternoon depended on when we caught it.

Till next time.

It's Halloween. No candy for you.

Sketch a day #10 - 10min

Today is Halloween, and as usual, I will be following my tradition of busying myself with a movie or a project and ignoring the ringing doorbell.  No, my house doesn't get egged or papered, thank goodness, either my husband or one of my kids has given out candy in the past.  I just don't like to do it.

I am just a non-conformist like that. It bugs me that the same kids who rolled their eyes at me, or harassed my dogs, or left dog poop in my yard when they thought I was not looking will be ringing my bell expecting candy from me.

If it were up to me, I would buy 3 HUGE peices of candy, and a big bag of the most generic stuff I could find, and give most everyone the generic stuff, but then the few kids that are actually well behaved and kind came to my door, I would reward them with a honking big piece of candy in front of everyone else!  That would learn'em.

But hubby's got it.  He got some big bags of candy, and a big friendly smile ready to go.  And tomorrow, he can pick up the dog poop that the same kids left in our yard, or he can deal with them riding their bikes down the center of the street while he tries to wait patiently for them to move over so he can get wherever he is going.

Yes, I am a Halloween scrooge!

And don't even get me started on the SEXY costumes!

Anyway, here's a pumpkin for you!  No, I was too lazy to carve it.

Why small businesses are losing to big businesses

Sketch a day #9  - 45 min.

This is a sketch of my upper window in my greatroom.  The room is two stories high, so there are upper and lower windows in the room.  You see a bannister in the foreground, because I am actually sitting in a room on the second floor to draw it.  The house is three stories high in the back, so in order for a ladder to be outside this window, it has got to be pretty tall.  Fire-fighter tall.  It is still not tall enough for the guy repairing the woodpecker holed trim to get where he needs to reach, so he is also propelling down from the roof to get to a certain area.

This job is driving me nuts! First, tomorrow will be two weeks since he quoted the job. Second he said it would be done by Tuesday... last Tuesday... It is now Thursday of the week after. Finally, as is true with most jobs, he didn't stick with the original quote.  As of right now, $400 to replace two pieces of trim 30-ish foot high from chimney top to ground has turned into $627.  In his defense, hubby added a small job of fixing some rotted wood on a door frame... but based on his quote for the big job, he charged an exorbitant amount for the smaller job comparatively.

My biggest problem is that I feel tied to the house for the duration of his "job".  While I may have said "OK" if he had quoted $500 or $600 dollars for the job, because it is a scary and difficult job, I would not have said OK to "I'm gonna come and go over the course of two weeks.  I will tell you I will be back tomorrow, but I'm going to leave this tall ladder leaning against your house for days on end, and when I feel like finishing, I will.  I would have said.. OK, I will call you... and then I would not call.  Seriously.

Appropriate book choice

I feel like too many people do bad business. They under-quote jobs and then raise the price because they want to make sure they get in... but I would have gladly paid the higher amount or a little more for a proper quote and the person sticking to it. If something unexpected had come up like termite damage, or a bees nest (which was my fear), then I would understand them telling me that they need to give me a secondary quote, of which I would have also gotten a second opinion, but this kind of bad business is stupid because it means you won't be called back.

And this is why mom and pop businesses are losing dollars to the big box businesses.  I have more work to do around the house.  I need to have my garage door repaired.  I also need the gutters repaired and have screens put in them, but chances are, I will now have Home Depot come do the work and not this guy.  Sure they will cost me more, with all the Home Depot overhead and all, but I want a quote that the contractor will stick by and I also want the work done in a timely manner, is that too much to ask?

Through our own lenses

sketch a day - day 8 -30min

Today I sketched my eyeglasses.  They are sitting on my pencil case. They are cute but uncomfortable and I don't wear them like I should. One lens is thicker than the other, and so in those lightweight wire frames, they don't really sit right.  Since my eyesight out of the other eye is pretty good, I can get away without the glasses at all, but the other eye compensates. I have to hunt down my glasses and put them on when my eye starts twitching or when I get a headache from not wearing them as it causes eyestrain.  I have been warned that if I don't start wearing them all the time my lazy eye will become more and more apparent and even lazier, but I still don't.  I am planning on getting a new pair with a better weight balance...  Don't know how they will do it, but it is what I will ask for.

I chose eyeglasses for my image today because after yesterday's encounter with the cashier I began thinking about how we view others. You know that old saying about there is always three sides to a story?  His, hers, and the truth? I have decided to apply that information to yesterday's circumstance.

If I think about it she may be viewing me through the lens of someone who has to be wise about every cent she spends, and based on her overall look and apparent level of classiness... maybe even newly divorced, this may even be new to her. Maybe she has embraced a level of thriftiness for survival sakes... and she wants to share this with me to help me do better.

an appropriate book suggestion

There's also the possibility of her just viewing me through the lenses of a cashier. Perhaps she sees so many people that look like me day in and day out using government assistance that my deviation from the norm threw her off?

I may be viewing her "helpfulness" through the lens of someone who people OFTEN assume needs a handout, or help of some kind... even though that is not my experience. After so many years of people offering me work as ... a maid, a cashier, a secretary, etc, because "I seem like such a nice person", I have become weary of all the lowly offerings (not to disregard anyone with those jobs) but why not ask me what I am capable of doing, or my education, and offering a commensurate job?  People always assume I have no experience, or no... anything, and offer to help me based on low expectations. So yes, I am defensive.  And then they seem offended when I inform them that I need NONE of those things.

Based on the way she greeted me when I swept through the grocery store this morning, for just a couple of items, the truth might just be that she was trying to be friendly. Based on the "heeeeyyyy Gurrrrlll", that she directed at me, there is something about me that she likes, but has no idea how to approach me correctly.  And for me, perhaps, I need to find a way to correct the unwarranted comments in a gentle and instructional manner so that we can embrace instead of butting heads.

But sometimes... you just want to leave in a huff... foggy lenses and all!

I think I got welfare shamed and I'm not on welfare

Sketch a day - day 7

I went to the grocery store for two reasons... lunch, and cash-back. Cash back is awesome because I don't have to pay atm fees to spend my money, and since I had to pay the dude repairing the woodpecker holes in my house today, I needed cash. (I probably won't use him again, with one of the reasons being he doesn't take checks.  Who wants to go to get cash two days in a row to get enough money to pay someone?)

Anyway, I said to the cashier I need $100 cash back, is that possible? She replied, the max is $50, but I can split your bill. Cool.. Cool.  So she rang up my bill with a few things left on the conveyor belt.

As I went fishing in my wallet for my debit card she got annoyed.  I was trying to find the right debit card, for our joint account, since I didn't want to take it from my main shopping account because most of the money was for house repairs.

She replied in an annoyed voice... "that's a lot of cards".  I apologized.  "They are all for different things", I said.  "Well, I don't know what anyone needs all those cards for".  I was so caught off guard, I started explaining. "Well, I have joint cards for each kids account, they are in college.  And I have a joint account with my husband. And I have the card I use for most purchases, groceries and stuff, and then I have one credit card", I explained, feeling flushed.... as if it were any of her business.  "Well" she huffed", I only have one card, I don't have enough money for all those cards, but a little is better than nothing!" I started to explain again, and then realized how ridiculous I was being, I paid for my second half of the purchase, got my other $50 cash back and left.

It is nobody's business how many debit or credit cards I have. It is nobody's business how much money I do or don't have. And I should not feel guilty or ashamed for what I have or how it works for me.  It is my money and it is my system. It works for me.

This isn't the first time I have felt attacked by this particular cashier.  Over the summer I purchased pre-cubed watermelon.  Sure I could have purchased a whole watermelon, but I didn't want to deal with it.  She chastised me for not making the more economical choice and that the pre-cut watermelon was a lot more per pound.  I felt so convicted (bad) that I purchased a whole watermelon the next time... and guess what, most of it was yucky... unevenly ripe.  I would have gotten a much better bargain buying it pre-cut, seeing how much I tossed out.

I will be avoiding this cashier from now on.

Before her, and when my kids were younger, there was another such cashier.  She would tell me that I needed to get a job every time I saw her.  "The manager is here, she would say, you'd be a great cashier".  "I'm good", I would reply, but she would keep insisting. It bothered her that I clearly did not have a job and was spending what she though was a lot of money at the grocery store.  Surely, I needed a job, right?

So what gives?

I am being made to feel just like those people others shame for using a EBT (food stamps) card for buying what they think is excessive, only I don't use any of those cards, and my husband makes good money which I manage well, and I can afford to feed us well, most of the time.  Still, I am being treated the exact same as those people.

Maybe it is because I don't dress up and look rich.  I look like the average joe-schmo always dressing casually, and when I go to the grocery, I often dress like I'm homeless! (I don't really know how a homeless person dresses)  If I am cooking or cleaning, or just took a nap, I just roll out in whatever I had on.. so is that why they are judging me?  Do they think that there is no way I am getting this money I am spending honestly?  Do they think they need to remind me to be more careful with money, because they don't think I have any or should have any?

I don't know, but it befuddles me.

I'm going to have to be rude and put a stop to it.

What I probably do best, but not what I want to keep doing

Sketch a day- day 6

I was busy today updating my computer with the next mac version and then trying to get back photos from when my computer died... I think my daughter's sweet 16 photos are gone... going to try to snipe a photo or two from people who were there.

My sketch today is something I do naturally and often.  It is a sketch of my bedroom floorpan.  It is a stupid room.  The most obvious place for a bed, between two windows is under a vent and right next to the bathroom.  I don't like that.  There is a huge sitting area with a slated ceiling like a huge dormer.  My bed is there now, top photo, but I have been bored with it.

The biggest problem is where the cable jack is is also stupid... on the wall behind the couch in the upper photo and so I can't really see that from anywhere that it makes sense to put the bed.

It is an enormous room really, just poorly planned.  The people across the street actually took half the area where we put the bed and but a wall creating an extra closet (for him) leaving only a little bump out on the side for two chairs.. it does look nice, but once again, I don't want to hear every time hubby flushes the toilet from my bed.  I guess I could have bigger problems though.

The lower photo is how I am thinking about changing it... putting the desk armoire in my bedroom and the couch in front of the TV... but we do like to watch tv in bed, so there's that dilemma.

This is a very messy sketch, but in it is my biggest strength.  I have a great grasp of scale. I can look at a piece of furniture and know it is going to fit in a room... i don't even need a measuring tape.  I just know.  I can draw a room to scale without graph paper, and still get it right.  I have a similar skill for color.... I can look at a sofa, go to the store and bring back coordinating fabric without a swatch.  I still gladly do floorplans for friends with decorating dilemma's and help pick fabric, but my own bedroom has me stymied.

Yes, I did do interior design work in a former life... when we lived in New Orleans, and also the year following that when I was just outside of NY, waiting for my husband to change jobs because I kept getting sick in New Orleans.

I gave that up to do murals,  (I still do on occasion, about one a year) but also slowly gave that up when I started homeschooling.  I began writing about decorating for websites which did very well for a while,  I even had a homeschooling column or two, but citizen journalism died hard... and now I have come full circle, trying to find my artistic fit.   I could go back to decorating, but I don't really feel called to it... it just comes naturally.  I am ready for the art gallery in my heart.

Brainless doodles

sketch a day- day 5

It's Sunday, and I really have no deep thoughts. So here is my day 5 sketch of the day.  I tried to portray a couple of celebrities, and then a random person from a magazine.  Portraits are really not my thing! Can you name the two celebrities?  

Good luck! 

Fighting the urge to delete these.  Not my best work. 

Perfectly imperfect

sketch a day-day 4

I looked at some of my work from 25 years ago today... It was in the garage.  I am going to toss it, after taking a few pictures because it is all charcoal and has become muddy over the years.  Still, there are some good things about it. I will take some photos before trashing it.

One thing I noticed is that there is a slight slant to everything I draw.  I think it is because I don't sit still and I don't hold my head still... I move around and kind of lean to one side, so there is also a slight lean in my work.  You can see it in this candlestick drawing from my mantle.  Also the middle candle is out of perspective because I drew it first and then when I moved my persecutive, I did not change it.

But... nothing in life is perfect, and interestingly enough, my most slanted, imperfect pieces have been purchased (long ago, when I drew regularly).... so there is clearly beauty in not getting it quite right.

Perfection is a dangerous thing anyway, isn't it.  It can hold us back from showing our work... I almost didn't post this.  It can keep us from moving to the next step professionally. It can keep us from doing anything at all because we feel like it might not be our best.

When children, (and in my experience, especially boys) I have learned that perfectionism often gets in the way. When my son was in public school, before homeschooling, he would take his completed homework out of his bag and leave it on the table because he would rather not turn it in at all, than to have it not quite right. This fear of being imperfect still follows him in college, and I have to push him to do things like publish the darn website already, or to just do your best at that moment and hand it in!

So, I have some question for you... What are you holding back as you seek perfection? What have you let go and allowed to be imperfect?  What lesson have you learned from these actions?

Sketching and the Devil in the White House

Sketch a day, day 1

I am trying to force my creativity by doing a sketch a day.  I am using some free video lessons by http://www.jerrysartarama.com/art-lessons/free-art-instruction-videos.html to inspire me.  I used a lesson today on using shapes to draw buildings... this is the house across the street from me.  You could say I am homeschooling myself in art... kind of as a refresher. This sketch took all of 10 minutes.  I am sure I will revisit it later and add ink.

As I was drawing, the news was on. I got distracted from my task when I heard the phrase "the devil in the White House". They were interviewing an elderly early voter who was saying he was voting a straight Republican  ticket because he dislikes the devil in the white house. I had a personal heart response to his comment. It hurt my feelings. I've heard presidents called a lot of things by fellow Americans but never the devil. I couldn't help but wonder what in him made him view Obama as the devil, and what about Obama made him do so.  Do I have some of the same qualities?  Am I a devil too?  I should hope not.... I am sure he though what he was saying was cute. It wasn't cute to me.

And then well-meaning people try to defend it.  I. Just. Can't.

But it did feel good to do a sketch...

One of the lessons I viewed suggested I hold the pencil differently, so I am drawing with my arm and not my hand.  I'm not sure if it was effective or not. It worked well for scaling out the house, but when it was time for detail, I could not help but flip the pencil back around.

Speaking of art, have I ever mentioned that my daughter is minoring in art in college? She wants to up it to a double major, but that is crazy. Her art major (for which she is scholarshipped) already takes up 99% of her time.  That kind of time commitment would be educational suicide. She's real good though. Everything she has created in her 3D class so far this semester has blown me away. You can still see the theatrical influence in her art, so it is a nice compliment.

False starts and misdirections after homeschooling

It has been 1 year and 5 months since I finished homeschooling my kids.  My youngest is well into her Sophomore year at college, and my son is well past the halfway point.  They are doing great!

And then there's me. I have a lot of ideas about what I was going to do after homeschooling.  Homeschooling gave me so much focus... so much direction, and was so passion-filled... now I'm feel like I am grasping at straws.

I thought I was going to work with homeschooling families after homeschooling, but found out real quick, that the people who need me the most can't pay me, and I am not in a place to volunteer that kind of time.

I thought that I was going to get a Real Estate License and sell houses, but after going through the course, I found out there were a lot of things about that industry that I - just - don't - like.  So that's not going to happen.

I thought I was going to go on a bit of an adventure with my husband, but we are not sure that is still going to happen...  (the marriage is fine by the way... it's more job related.)

So here I am asking myself what I do want?  What do I want to do?  How do I want to fill my time? With or without my husband... with or without our kids... with or without any sort of leadership.

And the answer keeps coming back... follow your gifts.

But my gifts are so varied, I reply.. and so many people are pulling me in so many directions towards different aspects of what I am capable.

And the answer keeps coming back... follow YOUR gifts.

hmmmmm.

Stay tuned.

Fundraisers at my door, and not a cent to spare

The door bell rang yesterday, and the dogs went wild as usual.  Fortunately, I still had their leashes on them from a recent walk, so I was able to grab it and control them and they acted like they wanted to eat whomever was at the door. (They are Minature Schauzers, so aren't dangerous, just bossy.) Anyway, there is a young man at my door.  He had a chipped front tooth, and he was holding a pretty big coupon book.

He was talking pretty fast and slick.  All I could make out was "help me out, Help me out, something-something-coupons".  I replied, I've purchased those before and I never use them, so no thank you.".  That wasn't good enough for him.  He insisted, "Help me out, help me out.... don't you want to help me go to college".  I stifled a laugh and said, "how old are you?... twelve?. "  Because he looked... well.... twelve, and he replied, "no, i'm 16".  "Ok... that's cool, but I'm still not buying, " was my reply.  "But it comes with the Sunday paper and more coupons.  You need the Sunday paper", he insisted.   I replied again, "no, whenever I order the paper, it goes from the driveway to the garbage bin, no-thank you", I said firmly, and began to close the door.  "You don't want to help me out?", he said incredulously.  "Not today, I replied."  "But you NEED coupons he said, help me out", he demanded. "No, I do not, I replied.  There are very few coupons that are for anything healthy.  I am not interested", I said firmly, closing the door further.  He got agitated, and went back to his first schtick, flipping through the coupon book saying "help me out, help me out"... I said, "you are getting too pushy.  NO."  was my final answer.  He was still doing his plea as I gently closed the door and walked away.   This whole conversation happened as I was wrestling with my dogs' leash... they clearly did not like this little dude.   I checked outside when he was gone to make sure my tires weren't flat... He had THAT kind of vibe.

I used to entertain young people at my door, buy whatever they were selling, but the last few times, I got ripped off.  I purchased items that never came, or the person claimed to be a neighbor and were not, or the item I received was just crap.  I am going to put a no solicitation sign on my door from now on.  I wonder if I can find an attractive one.  Plus, I have enough relatives and family friends selling things that I still get my fill of magazine subscriptions and wrapping paper.  Know what I mean?

But it doesn't end there.  This past week, there were no less than 7 requests for donations in my email box.  Most were for organizations I had given to before.  Others were for organization that I want to support.  But I am not rich.  I cannot give to them all!  It broke my heart to get an email letter for Georgia Shakespeare this week that they were closing their doors, but If I had given them ALL my spare money last month when they sent out their final plea, it would have not been enough the fill the void they needed, and so where would my little donation have gone.  This is truly exhausting, and I am bewildered as to what has broken somewhere between corporate giving and crowd sourcing.  Clearly, large organizations have found better tax loopholes then charitable giving, because so many groups that used to depend on these charitable organizations are dying.  At the same time, crowdsourcing is doing wonderful things for small organizations that don't need a lot of money, but it still only goes so far.  When they need that next round for bigger and better funding, it still seems to fall short.

So right now I am looking at what I have to give, and the organizations that have asked for money this week, and asking myself, who needs it the most. Who is most deserving?  I have to tell you that the answer is my two college age children.

Is anyone else in this dilemma?

Transitioning to NYC- I can clearly handle the rent

I am starting to see the gentrification of NYC in action. I can clearly handle the rent. The numbers meet and/or exceed the requirements to live in any such building... even the best of buildings.  But, there is that one line on every application that says what your credit score has to be to be accepted.  Brooklyn or Harlem 600.  Upper East side, Lower East side, Hell's Kitchen, Chinatown 650-700. Upper West side or SOHO or Chelsea 750. (this is approximate, but you get the idea).  If you want to live in the nicer areas you must have a pristine credit report.

But there was/is this great recession. Who's credit report survived that unscathed?!!!  I know for us, there were a few years that were pretty hit or miss... one paycheck away from homelessness kinda stuff.  The credit report is not perfect. ...And we are doing BETTER than most people we know.  So that means that in order to get into the nicer areas of NYC, even if you can clearly afford the rent, you had to come through the recession completely unscathed... meaning staying employed was not an issue.... meaning you were rich when it started, and probably richer now.  And this is how NYC has become gentrified.  Seems kinda planned. If you are not filthy stinking rich, you don't have the credit report to get into the nicer areas, and so all of the riff-raff like me are sent off to Brooklyn and Harlem (which aren't bad areas at all... but still.)

That means that all of the rich New Yorkers get to have the city to themselves for the most part.  The people who wait tables for them and work in the retail establishments have to live on the periphery at the best, and pay a lot extra to just get to work to work for the ritzy set. And forget those up and coming people hoping to rub shoulders...  If you still work for a living, get ye to Harlem or Brooklyn or to the east side of the park.  We can't hang.

Now there are certainly work-arounds, but even those are for the very well off.  You can pay a company to insure your rent for an extra month's rent. You can pay 2 or 3 months security deposit, plus the broker, etc.  You can go ahead and pay a year's rent in advance. I am actually willing to take one of these approaches, but I can't get a broker to return my call.  They ask your name, and tell you they will call you back, and they don't. Curious. I bet the Google you.

Can I get some mustard with that sandwich?

I am realizing that my decisions not only impact my kids, but also my in-laws and my parents.  We can no longer make plans for ourselves and and our kids and go on along about our business... there are people who raised us who are not as independent as we would like.  That is a tough pill to swallow.

So if the fact that we still have 18&20 year olds who are in college and not completely out of the nest is keeping us tied to home, and not allowing us to live full time in NYC, we are even more beholden to come home for hubby's parents... to check on them, spend time with them, and make sure they are OK.  

The good part of this is that living part time in NYC will allow me to do the same for my dad.  

Ideally, I'd like to have the inlaws live with us here, and dad live with us there, but first, hubby and I could use some privacy.  Second, both sets are wayyy too independent for that to work... and so lies the dilemma. 

We have a lot to think about.  I have no answers and no anecdotes! 

Why am I still homeschool blogging?

My youngest is a college sophomore.  I am really, truly, done homeschooling, so why I am still homeschool blogging.  Well, it is not for the reason some former homeschoolers are still doing it.  I have noticed some veteran homeschoolers still blogging about all things political, things that they think could impede on homeschooling in the future.  I also see veteran homeschoolers blog about all things conservative.  Neither of these are my concern.  I am still homeschool blogging to let people know that there is someone out there they can relate to who did it and so they can too.

No.  I don't think I can relate to every single new homeschooler out there.  The types of bloggers mentioned above will surely appeal to a great deal of them.  But for me, there was on, single, solitary writer, who captured my heart and gave me the confidence it took carry on and get it done. Had I not read her book.  Had I not gone to a conference where she was speaking, I may very well thrown in the towel.  ... and there are other people ... odd balls like me, who need to see people like themselves doing it to know it is going to be OK.

And with that said, I know I am failing my public.  At one time, vlogging, video blogs, were a huge part of my communication with new homeschoolers.  I kind of let that go because... of online racism.... disagree with me, but don't call me a "black-monkey", know what I mean?  So I stopped putting my face online... but by backing off, those idiots kinda won, didn't they, so I will try harder to keep video blogging, thanks to the many new homeschoolers who have contacted me asking for more, and I will keep homeschool blogging too... because I did it, and so can you.

I don't GET designer purses, and I don't GET boxed curriculum either

In shifting my mindset for living (even if only part time) in NYC, I have inventoried my belongings and am considering what I am bringing with me and what I am leaving here.  I looked at my purses, and then I threw some away... maybe I should just get a money clip and skip the purses, I thought, but perhaps, just for special occasions, maybe my old Coach purses will do.

Burberry bags $500-$3000 +

So I took them out, and polished them, and ordered new hang tags, and wrapped them lovingly.  But then I asked, what is the big deal with designer purses? Sure hubby purchased them for me as a gift because women he worked with insisted his wife should have these purses... and I used them for a couple of years, and then put them in the closet, because they cost too much to throw away even though I was tired of them, and because they were still in excellent condition.

I started researching designer purses, and if my old Coach bags still even qualify as such.  I found that they are lower cost designer, and vintage at that (since I've had them over 10 years), so ... cool.  But while these purses probably cost a couple hundred dollars each, other purses that classify as designer start at 400 and go up to thousands of dollars.

Crazy changes. I can barely believe it myself.

So.  Hubby got a job promotion which requires him being in NYC most of the time.  Wow.

At first, the thought seemed just CRAZY.... but now I am quite excited.  It's not like I am selling my house and actually moving or anything, we will be able to get a small place in Manhattan or Queens and still be OK.

I'm in such an excited tizzy, that I can't express it on the page!

So with that said, I need to get my home organizing project finished cuz I need to start apartment shopping, and deciding what 1/4 of my furniture and items I am going to ship off to NY, and what I will just buy.  This is not exactly what I had in mind when I said we would be downsizing, but I'm gonna be reading a couple of books on the idea... maybe that will help me in time get rid of some things in the house when we eventually do get rid of it for a retirement home.